Variable Number One: Code Name, the Blood Orchid
by Konan of the Origami
Summary: Only SHE knows her own name. As long as she keeps her mouth shut, Light won't know, either. She can be the variable in these people's lives. Truely, it's SHE who wields the Note. And then Near makes his entrance. But not even SHE knows her deepest secret.
1. Preface

I sighed and dropped my spoon on the table next to my fruit parfait. The thoughts buzzing around me were distracting, and I was trying to home in on this young man's thoughts. His name was Light--the girl he was with was Misa--and she was beginning to get on his nerves. She was getting on mine, too.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and stared vacantly at my badly chewed nails. I made a mental note to stop the habit of chewing my nails--I did it whenever I was nervous or bored. Misa kept leaning over the table to Light, and both the movement and her shrill voice (from her mouth AND mind) that carried over the chatter of the other people was seriously annoying me. But it was typical for a preppy blond like her...

And I suppose it was typical for a person like me to hate a person like her. I hung with the anime crowd--the crowd where true friends are easier to find, the crowd where fun equals going out and throwing water filled plastic eggs at people, playing the Naruto card game, and messing around with each other.

With my newly dyed purple hair and clothes that looked like it came from 'Rozen Maiden'. But that's getting away from the main point.

"So, Light, I was thinking maybe we should go to that new restaurant across town..."

I stood up angrily, making as much noise with my chair as possible, and stomped out of the shop. It was people like her that would bring this world down, and not just the criminals. If only Kira would--

"No," I said to myself firmly. "She didn't do anything wrong. Kira is right to kill the guilty. Life is for the innocent."

There was a pandemic of mass homicides of criminals lately. After the the tenth death by heart attack within prison walls, they deducted it was SOMEONE killing the criminals, and that it wasn't just coincidence. The unknown killer is called Kira.

I supported Kira.

He had the right idea--a perfect world was one with no crime. Criminals are becoming more scarce, because people are afraid Kira will kill them; Tax payers are becoming happier, because the prisons are becoming less crowded, which means taxes are less expensive; people are beginning to feel safer walking the streets at night, because of the dropping crime rate.

The perfect world.

And Kira was actually the reason why I was in that shop. The ability to read minds is a specialty of mine-- or rather, a curse, since I was never able to block out the voices, as you could probably tell from before. Everyday I had to ignore the thousands of voices screaming out, not to mention those that were spoken aloud. I've learned to cope with it, at least--and I believed I had found the mind of Kira. Light had the thoughts that Kira would have.

I knew it was him, and since I then had the tone of his voice memorized, I would have no problem pinpointing him. He said he wanted to go to his home--I saw the house in my mind. I knew it inside and out before I even saw it--his mother, Sachiko, his father, Sachiro, and his younger sister, Sayu. All already placed in my mind.

"A friend of Light's...?" Sachiko said questionably. "Well, alright...if he said he left his door open for you, go right in." She stepped aside and let me pass into the house. I carried myself up the stairs and stopped in front of his door, pulling out an undone paper and beginning to pick the lock. After a loud click, the knob turned and the door opened smoothly.

"Eat your heart out, smarty."

Of course, I knew all of the things that he had done to let him know if someone had entered. I was wanting for him to find me in here anyway, so I didn't bother re locking the door or putting anything back. And this Death Note of his...his killing tool was in the drawer to his desk. I found a pen and took the ink tube out, examined it, and pushed it through the small hole on the bottom of the drawer, revealing the black notebook. I took it out hungrily, being careful about taking the pen out. Wouldn't want the fire to spark...

This was exactly what I had been waiting for. What had me miffed earlier was no longer in my mind. I would become the personal assistant to Kira, no matter what. I knew. But, he could kill me, when he saw me sitting there...I hadn't thought that far. The image of his watch came to me...he had a piece of the note with him...he didn't have to listen to me...I cursed myself. But...he couldn't see my name anyway, and if I took the note, he wouldn't know who took it, now would he?

I sat on Light's bed to think. I didn't have much time--I saw in Light's mind that he was only about a block away. He left Misa to find herself home. I unconsciously let his voice fade out, like I had learned to do over so many years, but not meaning to. I shouldn't have.

Should I take it and run, or should I stay and see if I could convince Light? If I convinced him, he wouldn't be aware I knew what he was thinking, and he couldn't take advantage of me like he did the girl...He needed her eyes, he had said. Her eyes could see names, and the

The knob of the door turned loudly. It was too late to choose--I forgot to keep track of Light. His thoughts were horror-stricken about his room being invaded.

-They couldn't have found the note- he thought. -Too well hidden, there's no way...-

And nothing as his eyes fell on me. Surprise widened them, and in less than a second they turned to loathing.

"I know about your secret, Light. I know everything. But I won't tell. I want to help."

He grimaced as his glare tried to decipher the look on my face. I felt him trying to probe my mind, I HEARD him trying to see what I truly wanted, heard him contemplating whether to kill me and get me out of the way, after politely asking my name, or to use me. His mind stopped thinking about killing me-- his mother was in the house. It would be suspicious if I didn't leave, since he knew that she knew I was here, even though she hadn't told him herself.

He sighed. "Fine, I'll let you work under me, if you do EXACTLY as I say." -And I'll kill you when I'm through with you.-

I laughed mentally at his thought. -Yeah, we'll see, Kira. I may worship you, but I intend to be around a LOT longer than you plan to be.-

"My name is Kaeru," I lied smoothly. "Kaeru Nama." I handed him his notebook, and he took it delicately in his own hands. I couldn't see the corners of his mouth turn upwards, but I knew he was trying to be smooth himself. I saw the evil grin in his mind, though.

I would keep my true name to himself, and I knew that the shinigami behind him could see my name. I knew that he knew I was lying. And I knew that he wouldn't tell Light my true name. I was safe as long as my mouth was kept shut.


	2. Chapter 1

My brow furrowed deeply, and I began to bite my nails, as I did when I was nervous. Light was at his computer, staring blankly at the screen as he pondered about what to do, and I sat on his bed belly down, pretending to read a book. His thoughts were speaking clearly in my mind.They weren't good.

"I know she's lying about her name," he thought acidly. "She may be just trying to mess me up, she could be a spy...L probably had something to do with it. I need to take her to Misa, to know her real name. After that, if I need to eliminate her, it will be fairly easy..."

I turned the page to the book loudly, and realized if he was paying attention, he would know I wasn't reading. For one, it was an algebra book, and two, it was upside down. Feeling stupid, I closed the book and put it back where I found it on a shelf. I stopped there at the shelf to think. I couldn't meet Misa...that girl would ruin everything for me...frustration and turmoil warred inside me. He'd know my name...I would be eliminated, with no way to stop it...

"Kaeru...KAERU!"

Light had been calling me for some time, I realized. His mind was sour with annoyance. I knew what he was going to say before he said it, but I couldn't voice anything about it. "I think you would get along with Misa," he said pleasantly. "I'm sure she would enjoy your...attire."

I gave him a sour look. "What is that supposed to mean? What's wrong with my clothes?" I looked down at the purple dress I was wearing, the same style as most of my clothes. It definately looked like it was something out of 'Rozen Maiden' or 'Ah! My Goddess'.

He realized the mistake in his choice of words, and I wanted to laugh when I heard him curse himself mentally. "I didn't mean anything by it," he said quickly. "I meant that you two have the same taste in clothes."

"Yeah, I know," I said with a grin. "I was just messing with you."

I was beginning to like hanging around Light, despite the ever constant danger with which I was in when I was around him. I had taken caution the day before, after I had left Light's house when he accepted my assistance. I got a new ID--a fake one--and erased all files of my ever having existed. I had connections with the state, let's just leave it at that. And, of course, I lived alone, and I never spoke to my family, anyway. I barely had any friends (besides the ones in league with the government), either, so I was safe there. There no longer was any former me. No longer did my true name exist, except to me.

I caught a glimpes of a magazine on Light's desk--Misa was on the cover. She was famous? I hadn't known that. Light wasn't the only one who could act. Unlike him, I had taken drama in school.

"Wait, Misa...? THE Misa?!" I said with fake, but convincing, excitement. "YOU know MISA?!"

He smiled pleasantly. "This is great," he thought, a smirk edging the voice. "She knows Misa and is a fan. This couldn't get any better."

"Yes," Light said, keeping his outer attitude pleasant. "She's my girlfriend. She might be a little jealous at first, but when I tell her the situation, I don't think she'll have any problem with you."

I grimaced mentally, but kept the ecstatic grin on my face. "I can't believe you actually know Misa! I'm am SO her biggest fan!"

He held out his hand for me to grab.

"Wait, are you going to bring the note?" I asked suddenly. "I really don't think it would be safe here."

"Well, it's safer here than on our person."

"I want to carry it, though!" I said in a whiny voice. "I want to see all the names you wrote in it!" Innocence was key. I would be no more than a ditsy sidekick to him, but I would know that I was something much more.

I heard his thoughts turn into turmoil. "Should I take it? Of course not, that would be beyond idiotic. L would get suspicious...I can't...and her carrying it is so stupid it's not even in the vicinity of being mentally retarded..."

"Please Please Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!"

"ALRIGHT!" he shouted angrily. "PLEASE just stop saying 'please'!"

I giggled. "Okeydokey then!"

So, he escorted me out of his house and we took a bus across town. When the bus had screeched to a halt about fifteen minutes after we had boarded, he tugged me off gently by the arm. Across the busy street was what seemed like a public photo shoot. There were cameras and people everywhere--it looked quite like a zoo of people in nice clothing.

"She's playing in a movie, so I hope you don't mind a lot of people."

I smiled up at him, shaking my head. "I don't mind at all! This is so exciting!"

It didn't look like what I had in store had happened yet. I began to get worried. What if it hadn't gone through? I would be so far beyond screwed, it would make me a virgin. I was a virgin, but--well, you get the point.

"Hey, has anyone seen Miss Amane?" I heard someone call as we crossed to the other side of the street. Okay, maybe it DID go through.

"Oh, hello, Light," a man said. It looked like he was the director. "We're looking for Misa right now--we couldn't imagine where she would be. She NEVER misses a shoot."

Light's mind became slightly worried. "I really need her to be here..." he thought.

"We can help look for her, if you like!" I said, a big grin on my face.

The director looked at me as if he had not noticed I was there until right then. "And who is this?"

"Oh, this is my little sister. She's one of Misa's biggest fans, so I thought I'd bring her here to see her."

I scowled at him. I was OLDER than he was! I may look seventeen, but I was twenty to his nineteen! How DARE he say I was his little sister! I saw the smirk he had in his mind, too. He knew I didn't like him saying 'little sister'. If that's how he wanted to play...I arched my good leg backwards and went in for the most powerful kick I could muster. "Mom says NOT to talk to strangers, Light," I said with angry sarcasm.

I heard him call me obscene names in his mind as he bent to rub his newly bruised leg. "I believe I see blood there..." I thought smugly.

"He's not...a stranger..." Light said through gritted teeth, straightening himself. "This is the director to Misa's movie. Show him respect."

I shot Light another sour look.

And a piercing scream suddenly rang out. I saw light loose his balance, startled, and the director fell out of the chair he had been sitting on. "Miss Amane has fainted! She isn't breathing!"

"I feel better," I thought to myself smugly.

And sure enough, the plan had come through. Misa was lying face down on the ground just outside of her trailer. It looked like everything I had specified went through--she had gotten startled my a cat and backed away, causing her to trip backwards and run into something very sharp (it was a loose piece of scrap metal on the wall) that pierces her heart. AND, Light wouldn't know I wrote something. I wrote it on the black space where the rules are. I didn't know if it would work, but I had to try. I wrote in black ink. He wouldn't be able to see it. I didn't rip pages out. I was safe.

"Much better," I thought.


	3. Chapter 2

Light fell on his hands and knees and pounded on the ground. "Misa, no! Don't die!"

The voices inside the minds of the other people were growing louder; as if they had to anyway, since it was their OWN MIND. It was harder to ignore them than usual, as normally I wouldn't have to think twice about it. I had to concentrate hard to catch what Light was thinking.

"NO! I can't believe she's dead!" he screamed in his head. "How could she have died? It couldn't have been Kaeru...I was watching her the whole time...and she's Misa's biggest fan, or so she says...does somebody other than Misa and I have a Death Note? Or maybe it was an accident...no, it HAS to be another note...a third one..." His conscience moaned. "I needed her..."

I was surprised at how fast he ruled me out. I was so appalled, that it was evident on my face. Though, with Misa's death, it looked like I was staring at her lifeless, bloody body in horror.

Light shoved himself off of the ground and grabbed my hand roughly. "I can't look at her like this," his excuse was to the director as he gave us a strange look when we rushed away from the scene.

It was beginning to amuse me how I actually had SOME power over Kira...how I could mess with his mind without his knowing--if I was careful about it, anyway. He was so intelligent, yet he let the most important things slip so easily...perhaps it was stress. Countless times, I've heard him thinking about how important Misa was until he was able to have free reign over the world.

He slung me onto an empty bench across the street from the scene. Everyone else that was there had run to see what was happening with Misa. I gasped silently with the force he slung me, and was about to yell at him, but when he sat on the bench beside me with his face in his hands, I shut my mouth.

"I needed her indefinitely," he thought miserably. "Without her, I will not do so well in my conquest, especially with what I have gotten myself into..."

I actually started feeling bad...I worshipped him...

I USED to worship him. I had absolutely loved Kira until that point. His plan was to make a perfect world, but at the expense of innocents? He wanted to KILL me! Well, I was getting in the way, but I wouldn't have done anything! NO ONE messes with the man. And I...was the man. And then I realized I had to take Kira down. In less than 24 hours, my absolute, unshakable admiration of him had turn to hatred. It started out that I wanted nothing more than to work beside him. I got the chance, then he wanted to kill me. Not right away, but he still had the thought. It led me to realize Kira was not as big as I thought he was.

"Kaeru, come on," Light said with no emotion.

Jumped at his voice; once again, I had lost track of my own thoughts and let Light's get away from me. He was taking me to to meet this L person that Light had been thinking about the past few days. The guy who was heading the investigation on Kira. I knew that Light was only taking part because it would lower everyone suspicions of him. His father was in the investigation, too, so I suppose that it was good for him to spend time with his father.

But still. It was STUPID to be in the investigation that was spending its entire trying to find and detain you.

None the less, I heaved my weight off of the bench and followed him obediently down the thinned side walk. I pictured the scenarios in his mind of how he would introduce me to L--he was half-hoping he would suspect me, also, of being Kira. Light knew without a doubt that L would have heard of Misa's death, and it was a definite bad thing on Light's part--L would just suspect Light more.

He was Kira ANYWAY.

I looked into the showcase of a store, and I saw Ryuk's reflection in the mirror. I jumped, forgetting he was with us. I hated Ryuk. He looked so creepy, floating in the air like that...I hated clowns, too. I was terrified of clowns. Just GUESS what Ryuk looked like?

"Where are we going?" I asked quietly, not looking up at him. I wasn't fond of verbal silence. It was awkward (it also kept me distracted from Ryuk's ugly mug).

"To see L," Light replied dismally. "He's the head of the Kira investigation."

"Why are you going to see L?!" I whispered harshly. "Are you stupid?!"

"I am part of the investigation, with my father."

"Are you crazy?!"

"It would be wise to head there now, especially after Misa died. She was suspected as Kira, and with her death, L will suspect me even more. It would lower it if I went to tell him the news."

"ARE YOU RETARDED?! And PLEASE tell me when I'm getting warm!"

Light sighed. "I was suspected before I joined the investigation. This way, I'll be able to proved my innocence."

"But you're NOT innocent."

"Just shut up," he growled. "You know what I mean."

I gave him a dirty look and turned my eyes away from him. He was definitely frustrated. But why was he so stupid?! Does he not realize the STUPIDITY of what he was doing?! It was so stupid, it was...STUPID! I can't even THINK of a more hurtful word than stupid, even though I know there is one! But that's just how stupid he is! In his stupidness with himself smothered in stupid! TELL me when you get the point of how STUPID he is, please!

In the entrance hall, a man with an afro greeted us. He was wearing a suit, like Light's but less stylish, and he was leaning against the wall like he was waiting for something. When he saw us, he hurriedly approached us with his hands in his pocket. He was worried about something, but I couldn't tell. I was focused on keeping tabs on Light, who was predicting what this guy was going to say. His name was Shuichi Aizawa.

"Light, did you hear about--"

"Yeah, we were there," Light interrupted.

"You were...YOU WERE THERE?!" Aizawa sputtered. "L is just going to suspect you more if--" He stopped suddenly when he noticed me standing there. Well, I was just invisible that day, now wasn't I?

"Aizawa, this is one of my cousins, Kaeru. She...wants to help with Kira. She found out somehow about the investigation, and wouldn't let up about helping..."

"Yeah, I can help more than you think, STUPID," I thought. "If I was on Light's side, no doubt Light would win. But I'm not..."

"Well, I better call L right quick and see..." He took out a cell phone. L was on speed dial 2. Aizawa didn't even say anything into the phone, but after only a second or two, he shut his phone back up with a sigh. "He says bring her up."

Was this L person stupid, too?

Aizawa escorted Light and I into a monitor room. It was mostly dark except for the dozens of blaring screens, and there were a few other men in the room. One was sitting awkwardly in a chair in front of the screens, and the others were in a group a little off to the side. I was curious to see what was going on. The group were just worried about what L was going to say to Light. I guessed the man who was sitting awkwardly was L. And to my astonishment, his mind was fuzzy. It wasn't like he there was nothing in his mind--it was like there was a bad reception. Almost as if he had a wall to ward off people like me. I could still hear his thoughts, but they were fuzzy and somewhat broken. I could still tell exactly what he was thinking, though. He was calculating percentages on Light being Kira.

"Welcome back, Light," he said pleasantly, not taking his eyes off of the screens. "So who is your friend?"

"She's a cousin from a long distance away," Light lied again. A man's face in the group turned upward. In what light there was I saw his face was lined deeply. He had glasses and a mustache, and his hair was streaked with gray.

"Is she?" he asked.

"Yeah, dad. Don't you remember her visiting us a few years ago?"

Oh, right. Father. I could have just listened to their thoughts to find that out, but I was too busy keeping up with this L person. His mind moved very fast, and I had to concentrate fully to hear it through the fuzz. He didn't believe I was a relative. He knew Light was Kira. He knew...Now THIS guy was smart. I liked this guy.

For a split moment I thought abut telling him that Light really WAS Kira. L knew he couldn't act unless he had proof, and he wasn't really sure how Light was killing, anyway...But I knew pretty much everything that everybody else didn't. I knew what Light wanted to know, and I knew what L wanted know. I grinned to myself.

L turned around in his chair, finally, and was shocked at what I saw. He was young, like Light and I (maybe six or seven years older than us), with an intense expression. He had his thumbnail in his mouth, chewing it nervously like I would do. The lines under his eyes were so dark, for a moment I thought it might be makeup. Had he not slept all night...? It was more like he hadn't slept in years...

Skinny, twiggish.

Long sleeved white shirt and blue jeans.

Bare feet.

Hunched back.

Messy natural black hair.

L studied me intensely. The thoughts racing through his mind pleased me. I was surprised at how well he could guess.

"Not really with Light...I can tell by her stance she doesn't like standing next to him...forced to cooperate, maybe...?" were some of his thoughts.

Of course, the last part wasn't true, but the rest was. I liked this L guy. He was...KEWL.

"It's very nice to meet you," L said unperturbed. "Please, at all times outside of the building, refer to me as Ryuzaki. I am L."

I walked over to L, fascinated by him. I'd never seen anyone so unique before. There was something about him that just amazed me! I put my face about an inch away from his and stared into his eyes. "When was the last time you slept?" I asked, my fascination and amazement obvious.

"I can't very well remember...I doze sometimes with my eyes open..."

I smelled him. The intense scent of sugar was so heavy that it would normally make someone sick. To me, he smelled like a delicious cake. His skin did, anyway. His hair smelled like it hadn't been washed since the day he was born, and I covered my nose and took a step back.

"You need a hair wash!"

"I really don't like getting wet so much."

"I can tell," I grumbled. I wondered whether the sugary smell was just a cover up for some belying stench underneath his clothes...

"This girl is very rude," L thought. "But it has been a very long time since I've showered...a month ago, Tuesday, I think it was..."

I back away and dug my face into Light's jacket, who had come to stand behind me. I may not have liked him very much, but I definitely liked the way he smelled. It was a light, flowery scent. Almost like cherry blossoms with apples...

Light put his arm around me and looked at L with a smirk. "Someone finally had the nerve to insult you."

"I wasn't insulting him, I was giving him some well needed advice! His hair smells like something crawled in it and died!"

"No one but Watari has ever dared get so close to me," L shot back.

"Why? Are you a rabid possum or something?"

"I'm not very sure. I believe they see me as intimidating..."

L had a very strong edge of thoughtfulness in his voice. It was like he was questioning everything that came out of his mouth...or almost as if he was high. Hm, I wonder...

"Are you high...?"

This made L crack a smile from ear to ear. It looked extremely creepy. A smile didn't look right at all on his face. With the grin came a laugh, and everyone looked startled.

"I like this girl!" he said, a grin still occupying his face. "I don't think I've ever met anyone who had the nerve to say such things to me." His smile faded and was replaced with the same look that constantly housed his visage. "You are a very interesting young girl."

In the circle of men that included Light's father, I heard a small voice say, "and cute...".

When you hear that, and you're the only girl in the room, I'm sorry but you HAVE to look. Out of all of them, the only one that looked guilty of the thought was a nervous looking young man, seeming to be the same age as L.

"Touta Matsuda," I thought, slowly articulating it in my mind. "Matsuda. Mastui..."

He saw me looking at him, and he immediately wondered if I heard him think that...I wanted to laugh so hard, but I held it in with a smile. Obviously, he thought I was smiling at him, and he smiled back with a very red face. Whoa, wrong message, buddy. This guy seemed extremely ditsy...he was SO gonna die.

I looked away from Matsuda and back at L. He was ready to get down to business. And you know what? SO WAS I.

"So, yeah, Misa died..." I said casually.

For a minute, I actually believed someone was going to say something sarcastic, like, "NO...WAY...". It WOULD be funny, you have to admit. Someone SHOULD have done it, because everyone suddenly got really tense.

"Yes, we are aware of that," L said plainly. "It makes me almost 86 percent sure of Light being Kira."

I smacked Light on the back. "You got a B for once, Light! So much for your straight 100 streak."

He stomped on my foot and I howled in pain. "This isn't the time for jokes, Kaeru."

I glared at him. It was ON.

Instead of turning him in directly, at once, I would play with him, like a cat and a mouse...I would make him suffer before he was turned in. He was going down fast, hard, and...another word that would fit in that spot. But he SO caused pain to THE wrong person.

"That's no way to treat your cousin, Light. Kaeru, would you like some cake?"

He magically held out a plate of yellow cake with buttermilk icing and fresh picked strawberries on top. I only knew that because I LOVED CAKE. If there was one thing I loved more than horsing around and toys...IT WAS SUGAR. That's mostly why I liked the way L smelled like sugar...in some places...his hair smelled like crap...

"GIMME CAKE MY CAKE GIMME MINE!" I said barbarically, snatching the cake away from him. He held out a fork, but I just inhaled it off of the plate. Everyone watched me in astonishment.

"I like a girl who can eat," Matsuda thought dreamily.

"I see you like cake also," L said conversationally. "I like cake, too. I like sugar."

"SHUGAHR! Do you have cheesecake? Cheesecake is my favorite."

The door opened suddenly and an old man rolled in a cart with sweets on it. So this was Watari? He bowed deeply and exited as quietly as he had entered.

"Please help yoursel--"

I had pounced on every plate of cheesecake before he said anything. It was assorted desserts, but a lot of it was cheesecake. There was my favorite kind! Triple white chocolate raspberry cheesecake...I almost cried.

"Back to the conversation," L said. "It was no doubt Kira that killed Misa-Misa...do you concur, Light?"

"Actually, I do..." Light said, not knowing what else to add.

"It just makes it all the more likely that you are Kira, Light. You weren't very affectionate. She was mostly a nuisance to you..."

"Don't say that about Misa!" Light yelled angrily, fake tears streaming down his face. Ooh, he was good. "She was my girlfriend, and I loved her!" Oh, I'm sure you did. You were going to kill her when you ruled the world. Mmhm. Yep. That's definitely what I call love.

"I still have my doubts about Light being Kira, but it's just how he does it...there is a very high chance he is Kira, I KNOW he is Kira...but how does he kill?"

L's thoughts made me stop eating. A fork full of cake had frozen halfway to my mouth, and I was staring at him to follow his racing thoughts. I'd realized that it was the sugar that kept his mind racing and awake...

But in turn, L had turned to stare back at me.

"What is she looking at me like that for...?" his mind said.

The cheesecake had fallen off of my fork, and I hadn't realized he was talking about me. I shook my head and looked around. Everyone had turned their eyes on me. "What? You got a problem, then shove it in your face! Take a picture, it'll last longer!"

"Kaeru, would you like to go out sometime?" Matsuda suddenly asked. For a moment, I thought he had just been thinking about it in his mind. But everyone's head turned towards him. I looked over to, and he was looking away from me, blushing.

"W-what?" I asked, shocked.

"I was thinking about maybe going to see a movie sometime, when I'm able to get away from the investigation..."

I didn't want to...I REALLY didn't want to, but I have this problem about saying 'no' to people...and he was so clumsy looking, it would be horrible to turn him down, BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO GO! I pretty much hated everyone here except L, and I still didn't like L that much.

"Uh, sure..." I said slowly.

"You know we almost never get time away from the investigation," Aizawa piped up.

"It's settled then," L suddenly said. "We'll go on an undercover investigation. Matsuda and you will be an engaged couple taking their good friends, Ryuzaki and Light, out for a dinner and a movie."

"What are we investigating?" I asked warily.

The corners of L's mouth barely turned up into a smile. "That is the question, now isn't it?"


	4. Enter 'N'

I had to have a fake name, as a precaution. L made me, so that Kira didn't get to us. Light could just go by 'Light' for some reason...it wasn't fair to us. I knew I didn't need a fake name for a fake name (since I had already had one) but they didn't know that, so I couldn't say anything about it.

I said that I wanted to be B.O. SHUT UP! Not body odor, stupid. B.O. for Blood Orchid. I thought it was clever...and for short, I would be Orchid. I refused to hear anything out of them, so they eventually gave in and let me be Orchid. It was sort of like a secret code name. It was perfect, because I got to choose if people died, really, and I was like a flower...sort of. The longer I let Kira be free, the longer it would be before people stopped dying from the Death Note.

When we were leaving the building the next day for the movie, I heard L thinking about someone being at the theater. N. AGAIN with a letter. I had wanted to be 'B', but when I said it to L, he shot it down immediately. It brought some bad memories to him, I could tell. The only thing I saw in his mind was an image of what seemed to be himself, but with a demonic face and red eyes, covered in blood. It startled me a little, but there was no way I could ask about it.

Matsuda seemed very excited, and it seemed that nothing could get him down. He had on his very best clothes and everything. To tell the truth, I could only see Matsuda as an adorable...pet-thing. He's just so...ditsy, so innocent, childish. Don't get me wrong, I like guys like that. In fact, I prefer them. But he was much older than I was. I didn't know how I'd break it to him...if only I said 'no' in the first place...

I didn't have any dresses that were worth going out in, but somehow L had one ready for me. It was far too short for my taste. It was black and had no straps, which made me even more uncomfortable. It felt like it kept slipping over my boobs...Light, of course, didn't think much of it, but when I walked out of the bathroom at headquarters, everyone else got really excited, especially Matsuda. L even gave me a look...GOD, I WANTED TO PUNCH THEM ALL IN THE FACE FOR MAKING ME WEAR IT.I dare not speak what they were thinking. Especially Matsuda.

We walked out into a limo, which was actually pretty nice. It was courtesy of L. I had to keep tugging my dress over my boobs and cover my legs, keeping them shut tight. I felt practically naked wearing it. Not to mention they had it freezing in the back of the car. THEY were all wearing suits, when I was wearing a skimpy dress, with my hair up in a bun with ugly jewelry that was NOT my style. Matsuda just thought I looked beautiful in it.

And of course we ate dinner first. It was extremely fancy, very expensive. It was dimly lit, with leafless trees that had plain Christmas lights on them to make the whole place look like it was a romantic park on a chilly winter night.

"I can't read French," I growled when I picked up the menu. I really couldn't. The WHOLE menu was in French. And weren't French people stinky like L's hair anyway? With hairy armpits, even the women?

"Here, let me help," Matsuda said, scooting too close to me for comfort. Light, who was sitting directly across from me, gave me a smug smile. I scowled at him and kicked him under the table. The table bounced, making the glasses and silverware clink.

"GOD DAMMIT!" Light yelled.

"What is it Light?" L asked casually, almost as if mocking him. "Is something wrong?" I couldn't tell if he actually was.

"Yeah, Light, what's the matter?" I asked, acid in my voice.

"No, I'm...fine..." he replied through clenched teeth.

"I see how it is," I growled. "I SEE...how it is."

Matsuda looked between Light and I. "Do you two not get along very well...?"

"No, never have," Light and I replied at the same time. We glared at each other.

The waitress lady came by and started speaking in French, and I guess whatever she said was that it was time to order. I just shrugged and told Matsuda to choose for me, just to make it something that had crab. I was underage, but he ordered him and I a glass of wine and a Pepsi. Light got water and L got sweet tea with extra sweet...erm...sugar.

"Excuse me, I'm going to go to the powder room." I got up, smacking Light in the face with my purse when I went by. He was getting very annoyed with me.

Oh, Light was going to PAY for his sins. I was the Blood Orchid, the variable they had not counted. This act would make Light so suspectable, it's not even funny. And we ALL know what funny is.

"Didn't expect me to bring this, Light, now did you?" I said to myself, getting out a small ripped piece of a page from the Death Note. It was a piece only the size of my thumb, but I would write small.

My hand hesitated over the tiny ripped paper. Light would surely be more suspected than anyone if I wrote his name in the Death Note. I should do it—I NEED to do it!

I threw the pen across the room into the stall closest to the door. I heard it splash in the toilet water after banging against the side wall. I couldn't do something like that, not to an innocent person. Misa was in it with Light—she wanted to kill anyone Light wanted to kill. She wasn't innocent. But L was. L worked for justice. If anything, I needed to protect him. L knew Light was Kira, too. All he needed was evidence.

"A little longer," I said to myself. "I may not like Light, but I enjoy being around him. It's fun to anger him, and him not being able to do anything to stop me."

I crumpled the small piece of the note and shoved it back into my purse; better to keep in in case of an emergency. I looked into the toilet for my pen, also, but decided not to risk touching the water—I had a thing about public bathrooms, no matter how fancy a place it was.

I straightened myself and sprayed a bit more perfume, to make it seem I actually did something. There was a kid looking at me from a table not too far away as I was walking back to the table. His mind was blank as he stared at me, but then again, most kids were like that, no? He seemed no older than eleven or twelve, and he had a toy robot on the side of the table, and paused in his tower building (of dice, as I saw it) to study me. He hadn't been there when I went to the bathroom, but he definitely vexed me, especially because his mind was so blank.

I smacked Light on the back of the head before I sat back down. He growled and glared at me.

"She is SO going on my 'dead' list," Light thought.

"Yeah, we'll see," I said to him aloud.

He gave me a shocked look, but I only smiled back at him.

"So, Kaeru, how was the ladies' room?" L asked conversationally.

"I didn't use the bathroom. I have this thing about using public restrooms..." I explained truthfully.

"I had staph infection one time, and I'm terrified I'll get it again if I don't use something completely sterile. I just went to freshen up."

L gazed at me still with his wide, sleepless eyes. "Is that so? I'm a hygienic freak, myself."

I sighed. "I wish I wasn't, though. I remember when I was little, I wanted to play in the mud after a rain with my friends, but I was terrified I'd get those boils again. They were on my butt, and they hurt really bad..."

"Too much information," Light said with disgust.

"Oh, that's terrible!" Matsuda cried with way too much sympathy. I had completely forgotten he was there, even though he was seated right beside me. "You must have had an awful time."

"Tell me about it," I said with limited enthusiasm.

"I promise I'll keep everything extra clean for you at headquarters," Matsuda said. "I'll clean your room everyday—if that's okay."

"Knock yourself out," I muttered. "Saves me from doing anything."

Matsuda's face lit up. "I'll be able to touch her underwear!" he thought excitedly.

Aw, HELL naw!

But I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair. I've never heard guys actually THINK that before. I thought sure we were past the panty raid era. Then again, back in his day, I suppose that's what era it was.

Matsuda gasped, and everyone's head in the restaurant turned to look at us. It had been relatively quiet until my big mouth opened.

"Are you all right?" Matsuda and L asked simultaneously in concern, both rising from their seats to help me up. They grabbed either of my wrists and yanked me to my feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I said through snorts and teary eyes.

I suppose it wasn't THAT funny, but it was hilarious to me.

Light glared at me. "What's so funny?" he asked snottily.

My face became quickly stern, but when I had a thought, a devilish smirk arose to it. "Shut up, Light, or I'll tell your mom she needs to come and clean up your underwear, like when you were little."

Light's face became shocked. "How does she know that?!" he thought, horrified.

"Whoa, you mean you ACTUALLY did that when you were little?!" I asked, a huge open mouthed smile taking shape.

"No!" he shouted after hesitating.

"Oh, I think I hit a chip in his acting skills!" I thought to myself with a sneer.

"Did you really wet your pants when you were little, Light?" L asked casually, interest hinting his voice.

"N-No! She's just joking! Isn't that right, Kaeru?" he growled my name.

I stared at Light for a moment, reading his thoughts. My smile widened. I would now jump at ANY chance to humiliate him. It's all part of the suffering part of his death. "You CRAPPED yourself when you were in kindergarten?!"

"How do you know that?!" he shouted angrily. "Are you--" He stopped, his glare becoming more intense. "Can you read minds?"

I made a face at him. "I think Light is coming off his hinges a little bit...do you ACTUALLY believe in the psychological mumbo-jumbo?"

"I do if you're able to read minds."

Matsuda and L both looked at me curiously. "Can you, Kaeru?" Matsuda asked quietly.

"No, I can't read minds!" I shouted angrily. "If I could read minds, I'd be rich by now, don't you think? I would kill to read minds!"

"Maybe we should turn in for the night," Light suggested. "You're right...I think I'm a bit loopy from lack of sleep."

"But I already paid for our meal, Light," L whined with a slight hint of sadness.

"And I want to see a movie!" I cried, a smile still on my face.

"You don't want to let the lady of the night down, do you?" L asked.

Light hesitated. "But—I thought you said this was an investigation!"

"You could say that," L mumbled, putting his thumbnail in his mouth.

Our waiter suddenly approached our table with food. The rest of our time in the restaurant, we sat in silence, with especially vicious glares from Light.

"Maybe I SHOULD let them in on my mind reading powers," I thought. "At least L. I'd be able to help him so much...I might even be valued by him. On the other hand, I'm having so much fun messing with everyone. Then again, I could take it too far and it would result in my death..."

I shrugged to myself and decided to keep it secret awhile longer.

I barely touched my meal. Whatever kind of crab thing this was, it tasted like veal. I hated veal...

And alcohol was horrible. It was far to bitter, and it didn't taste like grapes at all. It tasted like alcohol...the kind of alcohol you put on cuts, anyway. I had to turn it down and say it gave me a headache.

The ride to the movies was slightly more interesting. Lights thoughts became very active, thinking of graphic ways of me dying and hoping I really could read his mind so I could see. When he caught my looks at him he replied with a deadly glare, but I just smiled pleasantly at him. Matsuda was wondering if I would give him a kiss after the movie or hold his hand during it, and L was just off in his own little world of numbers and wonders of what Light was thinking when he glared at me.

Of course, I got to choose the movie. Hostel II, all the way. Gore and horror, that was me. It was very interesting how the people that paid to torture the other people killed their subjects...I liked how at the end the one girl that escaped got to kill the person that brought her into all of that hell. To Matsuda's disappointment, I didn't hold his hand. I didn't lean on his shoulder. I didn't even glance at him. He silently admired my tolerance and favoring of horror and gore. I really was into the movie, so I heard little else as I blocked out the voices of other's minds to concentrate on what was happening.

The ride home was less interesting. Light's suspicions of me being able to read minds were considerably less, now. I smiled to myself. All of this really was fun. Maybe I shouldn't kill Light...killing was wrong, anyway. Unless the people you killed were bad people, like how in America they had the death sentence for criminals.

I had to stay at headquarters now, because I was part of the investigation. I had my own room, prepped especially for me. It had all of my clothes already moved in there for me. Light had to stay there, too, as a result of Misa's death. L said he wanted to keep an eye on both of us as an extra precaution.

To keep Matsuda back, I gave him a SMALL peck on the lips. It gave him enough excitement to last him for awhile, and when I shut the door to my room, I hoped that I wouldn't have to talk to him for the next few days, though I knew he would since we all had to be in this building.

I let Light's thoughts go again and honed in on L's. I could see in his mind's eye that he was staring at the screens again. He wasn't so much studying them as he was just looking at them. The fuzz that corrupted his thoughts had become a minor thing for me now, and his racing thoughts were becoming easier to read the more I listened to them. He was waiting for someone, calculating and predicting what this someone would say.

I let his thoughts wander and I got up to get ready for bed. It was very late now, and I wouldn't doubt if everyone else, except L of course, was asleep. I had stayed up to listen to L, but I was definitely tired now.

I peeked my head around my door to see if L was still facing away, looking at the screens. Whoever L was waiting for, he was out there talking to him. He looked kind of short for someone so important, but when I tuned in to L's thought's one last time, it was evident it was definitely the guy he was waiting for.

"Alright, let's see what this new guy thinks," I whispered to myself.

I waited, and nothing. I concentrated a bit on him, and still nothing. "Close contact, eh?" I said. "I've never needed it before, but okay, then."

I took a deep breath and walked out there. I caught L's attention when I was a few feet away from them, and he stopped talking to look at me.

"Yes, Kaeru?" he asked inquisitively when I was between them.

I didn't answer him, I just stared at the new guy. It was the kid from the restaurant. There was no WAY this could be the great detective L was thinking about.

But still no thoughts from him.

White shaggy hair, dark eyes, baggy white clothes. Short—young.

"Is he alive?" I asked, poking the new guy.

The shorty stared at me blankly, but behind his eyes I knew something was going on, I just couldn't hear it.

"Of course I'm alive," he said. He sounded older than he looked, but by L's thoughts he was only ten or eleven. "And I'm twelve, thank you."

Now HE startled ME. For a moment I thought he could actually read MY thoughts, when I couldn't read HIS. "What makes you say that?" I asked, terrified.

"Most believe I'm nine or ten. I was just clarifying my age. Refer to me as N."

"Oh, well...okay..." I said, relieved. "So, are you new on the case?"

L was giving me all the answers. This was Nate River, nickname was 'N' or Near.

"Well, I'm Kaeru. It's nice to meet you."

"Same."

And still I heard nothing.

I think I am defeated.


	5. Chapter 4

"Everyone, N will be staying with us for awhile to help on the case."

L wasn't secretive about Near being there. He wanted them to know. They objected, saying there was enough people, but L ignored their comments. But ever since Near got there, L's mind had progressively become even fuzzier. It was to the point where L's mind was so gargled, I couldn't make anything out. And Near's mind was just...blank. This new factor intrigued me, and I found myself staring at him constantly. He never said anything about my staring. He would just look at me, keeping the emotionless expression on his face constant, then turn back to what he was doing.

I rarely spoke to Near, or got close to him. In his presence I had the feeling he was invaded my mind at all times. Was this how it felt when I read minds? Could Near read minds, also? My questions would go unanswered. I couldn't tell what either him or L thought, as they had seemed to team together and kept much a secret from the rest of us. I hardly knew what we were really there for anymore. The others began wondering the same, and not to themselves. They began speaking to each other about their purpose, too.

And they both announced, just the day after Near got there, that we no longer needed code names. And that was 'we', meaning everyone but L and Near. We could call L 'L', but Near did not reveal his name. He continued to be referred to as 'N'. I didn't speak to the others much, anyway, so I just didn't say anything about him at all, except to myself.

Not only did I find myself staring at him, but constantly I was thinking about him. Why was he so quiet? Why could I not hear his mind's voice? Was the reason that I couldn't read L's mind anymore because Near has shown up? What was this that was happening? Why?

And after a couple of days, Near began to stare vacantly at me just as I did with him. But I didn't realize I was staring at him anymore by then. It was just an unconscious attempt to see if I could read his thoughts yet. One time I had realized we had been staring silently at each other for more than two hours, and I got up calmly and walked out of the room, keeping my cover. And mainly it was when everyone was in the room with the many screens, where L and Near had basically made their home.

"Why do you stare at Near like that?" Matsuda asked me about a week and a half after Near had come to us. I hadn't talked to Matsuda since the night at the restaurant, so he had cornered me in my room when I was standing in front of my mirror. "Is there something wrong with...us? You're not falling for that...KID, are you?"

"Matsuda, what are you talking about?" I asked, forgetting he thought we were together.

"We haven't spoken since our date," he said, a sad puppy dog look on his face. "Is there something wrong with me? Did I say something wrong?"

I hesitated. I should have just said no in the first place! My thoughts were raging inside me, my indecision cutting holes in my sides. I couldn't tell him I really didn't like him! There was no way! Maybe, just maybe I could persuade Light to...NO! He was an innocent! I didn't want to be with him anymore, not KILL him! I didn't want to be a bad person, I didn't want to be mean and hurtful! Well, I'm only mean and hurtful to Light...but he deserves it. But what was I going to do? How would I answer him...?

"No, Matsuda, nothing's wrong," I said sweetly. I kept my eyes away from him. "It's just that Near makes me really nervous. There's something wrong with him..."

"Something WRONG with him?" Matsuda asked in disbelief. "What could be wrong with him?"

"I don't know...I...I can't..." I hesitated. Matsuda was sweet and goofy, and I couldn't hurt him. I had to tell him..."Matsuda, can I tell you something? Something important?"

"Of course, Kehki."

I was silent for a minute, giving him a look. "Since when did you start calling me 'cake'?"

"Well, I thought--"

"Never mind, just forget it." I already knew. It was funny how people thought things before they said them. "But Matsuda, you have to PROMISE you won't tell ANYONE what I'm about to tell you. It's my deepest secret, and NO ONE knows about it but myself."

Matsuda leaned in subconsciously, nodding. "I promise I won't. You can trust me."

I looked him right in the eyes. He was telling the truth, he wouldn't tell. He was dedicated. "Matsuda, I...I can read minds. I know what everyone is thinking, all the time. I'm not able to shut off the power. Constantly, no matter what I do, I can hear thoughts. Their like voices, and images. The only thing I can do to have peace is ignore them."

Matsuda just stared at me. For a long moment, there was silence. Even in his mind. I thought I had made him have a stroke or something, and I got really worried for a second there. "M-Matsuda? Are you okay?" I asked, panicking.

I sighed in relief when he blinked. "You mean...the whole time...you knew everything I was thinking?"

I gave a sheepish smile. "There ARE no secrets in a truly great relationship, right?"

Matsuda turned white. "You knew...everything I thought about you...?"

"Um...sort of." I flashed a big smile.

In two seconds his face went from white to red hot. I couldn't make heads or tails of what he was thinking, either. There was a mix of images and run on sentences.

"The underwear--I can't believe it--is she reading my mind now? I can't believe Light was right--The WHOLE time!"

"Well, I can't read your mind that well now because your having too many things right now...I caught the question, though. No, Light doesn't know. He never knew. Just suspected."

"You really CAN read minds."

I laughed. "I just TOLD you I could. I'm surprised you didn't believe me, Matsui," I said cutely.

Matsuda fell back onto his butt. I smiled sweetly. "It's just, I can't believe..."

I got on my hands and knees and crawled on top of him. "You PROMISE you won't tell anyone?" I put my face centimeters from his, taunting him with my lips so close his.

He leaned in ever so slightly and nodded minutely, his eyes half closed. "I promise, Kaeru..." he said dreamily.

I pulled away. "Good."

The door opened suddenly and I lurched forward, still on my knees with Matsuda under me. That meant that my head connected with his. My lips connected with his lips. We had kissed before, if only once, but this time it hurt. We had been sitting up, but we crashed into the floor. Well, Matsuda did, anyway. The back of his head hit my drawers on its way down. The sickening crack of it made my stomach turn, and I got worried.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?"

It was L.

I scrambled to my feet. "N-no! We were just, uh, talking. And I tripped and fell..."

Matsuda slowly rose, rubbing the back of his head and licking his lips to make sure everything in his mouth was still intact.

L studied me for a moment. "I see. Well, the reason I came here was to tell you that you will be working under N, now."

"What?! I don't want to work under that...KID!" Matsuda yelled.

L looked at him, much as I had been looked at many times, like L had forgotten he was there. "Not you, just her."

"WHAT?!" I screamed. "NO WAY! ALONE?!"

It was amazing how L kept his face so straight. "He has brought one other member of his team with him--Giovanni. Near wishes only a few people, and requested that I lend him one of my own members. Who better than you?"

I stammered. "Well, why don't you get Light to do it or something?! He's better than I am!"

"Light is the number one suspect for being Kira."

"Why me?!"

"You could say that N personally requested you."

I glared at him. "I decline the request."

"I give you no choice. You work under N now."

I growled. "Why does he want me, anyway?!"

"You'll have to ask him that, yourself."

And he turned and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. I yelled.

"NO! I don't want to have to be around him!" I cried, sitting on my bed to put my face in my hands.

"Why DOES N want you?" Matsuda asked curiously, thinking I knew.

"I don't know," I replied, defeated.

"I thought you could read minds!"

"I can!" I screamed at him. "But I can't read his. There's nothing that comes from him...and I had trouble reading L's at first, because it was a little fuzzy, but it was possible. And when N showed up, L's mind became so unclear through the fuzz it was impossible to tell exactly what it was he was thinking."

"What was L's mind like?" Matsuda asked curiously.

"The same as his outside. All numbers and possibilities of Light being Kira."

"Is he?"

That caught me off guard. "W-What?"

"Is Light Kira??"

"No, he's not." I answered him as calmly and convincingly as I could.

"Then why is it you just don't tell L? You could tell him you can read minds. If you say Light isn't Kira after telling him that, we could focus on other people!"

Ah, but Light WAS Kira. "No, that would be interference. I really want no part of the investigation whatsoever. I'm just in it because Light is. It may not look like it, but I love my cousin very much. Even if it would mean saving his name, I couldn't interfere."

Matsuda sunk back into himself. "I can understand that."

I fell back onto the bed and ran a hand through my hair. It was still perfectly purple...and I was still the Orchid. I'd find a way out of this, no matter what. I didn't really know what I was in, but I'd find that out, too! I'd find out what Near wanted, too!

I told Matsuda I was going to just talk to N about the situation. Since I didn't have any choice, I'd have to make nice with him. Matsuda agreed with my choice and went back to his own room, and I stayed behind in the room with the screens. L was speaking with Near and a the man Near had come with, Giovanni, but left after looking up at me.

"Perfect timing," Near said, not looking back at me. He kept his eyes on the screen. The blankness of his mind was unnerving me. I didn't know what he was thinking, or what he planned to do. I didn't know what he thought of me, or anyone else for that matter, and it made me very, very nervous.

"Perfect timing for what?" I asked warily.

He then spun around in his chair. He was sitting in it in a way similar to L, other than the fact he was more sunken into his knees, like a child would do when they were nervous. He looked very innocent. "Perfect timing for me to tell you what you will do."

"And what may that be?"

"You'll be...somewhat like a mother figure. You will clean up after me. You'll take me out places if I wish. You'll accompany me everywhere, and take care of all of my hygienic needs, like clothes and making sure I bathe properly."

"WHAT?! No way!! I am not, repeat, N-O-T, a house keeper!"

"No, you're not," Near said. "You are my mother."

"I don't ever remember giving birth to you."

"That doesn't get away from the fact that you have motherly duties to perform."

I growled. Was this day going to get ANY worse?! I could kill Near if I wanted. I just had to tell Light 'Nate River'. I could just kill him myself. But I hated killing people, hence my problem.

"I'm not taking this. I refuse." I urned to walk away, but Giovanni pounced on me, putting me in a sleeper hold.

"You are not to leave my side until I dismiss you," Near stated.

"What?! That's unfair!"

"You are only permitted to leave my side to use the restroom. For everything else, Watari or Giovanni will provide and fetch."

"This is completely unfair! You can't do that!"

"But I can and am."

Near snapped his fingers, and Giovanni released me. I fell to my knees.

"Why me?" I whispered.

Near was silent a moment before answering. "I don't know. There's something about you...that I want to observe. The best way is to have you around at all times."

"What? Do you suspect me of being Kira or something?"

"The chances of you being Kira are less than point zero zero zero zero zero zero three percent."

That made me mad. "Because I'm a girl?!"

"No. You lack the monster-like qualities of one who kills. Your views on killing are too different than what Kira's would be."

"How do you know that?"

Near remained silent, and I looked at Giovanni. I did a double take. "S-Stephen? Stephen Loud?"

Stephen was one of the closest friends that I had. He used to work for the government, and had access to many files. I could tell that he had quit now, through his mind. He was the one who I had asked to rid of my files at the time. He quit his government job just before he left to come here so he would be able to work for Near full time.

Near knew my name. My real name. Stephen told him. I knew. Stephen was thinking it. No! This couldn't be happening! But they'd never tell anyone else. Near wasn't one to threaten with death. Stephen knew Near would never tell anyone, and if Stephen believed that, then so would I. He was usually right, anyway. I just couldn't believe that the one person who I had ever gotten close to was part of this investigation...

"So, will you work for me, Mother Koyuki?"

I winced. He said my real name. Koyuki Mikazuki.

"Yes...son..." I said the last word with an edge.

"Very well. The first thing I want you to do is assist me with a bath. It's 6:30, and I would like to take one every day at this exact time."

I looked at Giovanni, and he stared at me with a stern look. His face was hard, but his mind was filled with regret. He felt terrible that he had turned me over to Near, but he didn't know what truly Near wanted me for. Apparently, after the first time he saw me, he had been asking Giovanni questions about me. At this point, Giovanni was stumped as to what Near thought of me. I voted for slave.

Near hopped down from his chair and began walking towards another room I hadn't been in yet. He paused to wait for me. "Come, mother."

I gave Giovanni a melancholic look, and he looked away from me to hide his look of disgust for himself as I walked after Near.

Through the door was another bedroom, if that wasn't surprising. It was similar in design to the rest of the force's rooms, except it was much larger like L's was.

He proceeded to lead me into the bathroom. I stopped at the threshold, and Near turned around to see me hesitating. He didn't need my help to take a bath. He was twelve! He could bathe by himself!

"What are you doing? I believe I asked for your assistance, mother."

"But...can't you take a bath by yourself?"

"I choose to have assistance. This way I won't slip or hurt myself."

"What about Stephen? Why can't HE do it?"

"It is a mother's job."

I blushed and stiffened. "Can't I just not do it?"

"Why do you not want to? There's nothing that will hurt you by assisting me."

I looked away from him and felt my face grow even hotter than it was. I'd never really seen a...GUY...and it would feel weird if it was a twelve year old...

"I see," Near said.

And he proceeded to unclothe himself.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I shouted, turning away and covering my eyes.

"I'm preparing for my bath. I suggest you enter and close the door so I won't be so cold. Please run my bath. I like hot water, please."

I sidled into the room, keeping my eyes off of Near, and made my way to the tub. I made the water as warm as I thought he'd like, and stood aside to let him enter the tub. I kept my eyes away from him as best as possible, but he kept making it difficult.

"Hand me some bath toys...and wash my back, please."

I put a few toys that were laying by the tub into the water, and gladly sat behind him next to the tub to scrub his back. His skin was pale—not as pale as mine, but paler than normal people. And it was soft to the touch, too. Still, not as soft as mine was, but again, softer than normal. And he smelled--

I caught his scent and stubbed washing him. It wasn't the soap, it was him. I'd never smelled anything like it...it was similar to L, somehow, but better...like sugared cherry blossoms. It was better than cake. It was better than CHEESECAKE.

"Is something wrong?" Near asked inquisitively.

I remained motionless, my hand still on his back from when I was washing him. I didn't know why I was so mesmerized by this smell. I just knew it was the best thing that I had ever come across. The smell had brought a mixture of longing and desire with it.

Near turned his head so that he was looking at me out of the corner of his eyes. "Koyuki, what is wrong?"

I began to tremble from holding the urge to put my arms around him and lick him...I know that sounds really weird, but if only you could smell the deliciousness that I was able to...

"Koyuki...?" his voice became a whisper. A smile finally etched itself onto his face when he realized what was going on. He turned around all the way and leaned in so his mouth was by my ear. "You like it, don't you? The scent?"

"N-no." I said absently. I couldn't let him know, but my 'no' was so unconvincing it wasn't even funny. "I hate it..."

"You want to know what it is, don't you? It's sugared cherry blossoms."

Oh, I was good. "I don't care..."

"Don't lie to me, Koyuki. You are forbidden to lie to me, and I know when you're lying. I know the truth, but I want to hear you say it. Tell me, what do you truly think of this scent?"

"I hate it," I said again. My voice was still oddly absent. The perfume he had used, or whatever it was, was just so good...I couldn't take my mind off of it!

"Tell me the truth," he whispered. His breath trickled down my neck, and I shuttered.

"NO! HE'S ONLY TWELVE!" I screamed inside of my head. "Don't do anything irrational!"

"TELL ME."

I started crying. He was making it hard for me. "Too young..."

Near kissed where my earlobe connected to just above my jawline. "That doesn't mean anything. Now tell me."

I closed my eyes and cried. Why couldn't I just kill him? Surely being tortured like this was not worth it. But I just couldn't ever be able to do it...only the bad...only the very worst...I couldn't even kill Light right away, and it was his fault all this was happening. If he wasn't in the investigation, if there just wasn't a Kira in the first place...if I just wasn't able to read minds...

"I love it," I whispered. "I want it. I want you. I want to taste it. I want to be smothered in it. I want to press myself to you and hope that I can just stay like that forever, with the sweet scent amidst me."

Near chuckled. "That's what I thought."

And he pulled me into him. And broke—I couldn't take it anymore. So, I kissed him hard.

But it didn't stop there.


	6. Chapter 5

Everything about it was wrong. I knew it, but I couldn't help it...his lips were like a magical generator that made his scent even stronger. It was blissful, no matter what our age difference was. But I hated it. The action made me loathe my very being. This was child molestation. I was twenty, he was twelve. That's eight years. I was horrible...I was a criminal...

"You are not a criminal," Near said quietly after pulling away from me. I was desperate to kiss him again, no matter how I would feel about it afterwards. "It's only bad if I don't consent to it..."

"That's a lie," I panted. I put a hand on his cheek. "There is a law against people over 18 doing anything with someone under 18..."

Near grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me as close to him as he could. "No one will know."

I couldn't take it anymore, and kissed him as hard as I could. My hands went into the bath water on either side of him. He leaned back, resting his head on the side of the tub next to the faucet, which was still had the water running. I couldn't feel the sleeves of my dress getting wet. I was oblivious to the water coming from the faucet. I was unaware, from that point on, that he was so much younger than I was. He was mine and I would have him.

With him leaning back, I slipped an arm around one of his legs, spreading them so I could climb on top of him in the water. It was a fairly large tub, one of those hot tub kinds, so it was plenty big enough for the both of us. He absently reached up and turned off the water to keep the tub from overflowing, and I dragged my lips away from his and placed them close to the nape of his neck. His skin was definitely soft on my lips, like a perfectly ripe peach, almost, and he smelled five times as sweet.

I wanted to bite down on him, so tempted was I to see if he was just as juicy as the peach that he felt like, but I kept tense and restrained myself to just kissing his velvety flesh. His white hair brushed on the side of my face, and I brought my free hand, the one opposite the one that held his leg, up to run my fingers through his hair. It was thick and fluffy, and relatively easy to handle. He snickered and put a hand in my hair as I continued to suck on his neck, and amazingly flipped me over so he was now on top of me.

It shocked me that he had done this, see how scrawny he was. You would never have expected him to be able to turn me over that fast, with such ease, and so carefully. I was shocked out of what I was doing. He chuckled quietly and wrapped his arms under me. "You didn't think I could do that, did you?" he whispered into my ear.

Near's body was smaller than mine was; he was four fifths my size, to be exact. To have him hovering over, being aware of his bare body there, felt strange. But only for a moment. Every thought of it feeling anything more than complete heaven flooded away when the smell of his sweet breath wrapped around my nose. I pulled him in and kissed him. He returned it eagerly, pulling down my dress. He was trying to be gentle with it, but I reached up and ripped it off. He looked down at me with surprise, obviously not aware I was willing to completely ruin my FAVORITE dress. But, oh was his scent THAT good...

He slipped my underwear off easily, and I hadn't been wearing a bra, so we were all good. It was him, and me, breathing heavily, already tired out from restraining myself to completely smother myself in him.

He pressed his thin body against mine. He was warm, and the way he ran his gentle fingers down my side made me moan. He moved them lightly all over my body, studying my reactions intently.

"You like this most," he finally said, stroking the side of my neck softly. It was a statement; no question mark. It sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine when he did that. If he didn't have his way of touch, it wouldn't have had the same effect.

"Are you just going to touch me?" I asked breathlessly, despite the fact I that already had a few minutes of stillness to slow my breathing.

"I'm just studying you. You're a very interesting person..."

I made a face, but Near stroked my neck again and I winced. He misread my expression and expressed worry. "Did I hurt you?"

"No...it makes me...feel weird when you do that."

He smirked and snickered. "Of course it does. It turns you on, correct? It makes you want me to touch you more? I know these things. I'm not an ordinary child if you have not noticed yet."

The word child made me wince.

"But remember what I said before. It is not bad if I am not consenting to it..."

I couldn't look at him. It made me feel horrible that this was only a child!

I half gasp, half moaned when he pushed his dick into me unexpectedly. My warmth oozed with his entrance, and I could feel how it stuck to the sides of my warmth. It was so big, despite how young he was. Was this even possible?

"Surprise, yes," Near moaned. "Didn't expect it to be like that, did you?"

My eyes were squinted to cope with the feelings that were rising in me; pain, pleasure, despair, happiness, and the like. Near's outline was fuzzy through the slits I was able to see through. "No, I didn't," I panted.

He grunted and kissed me gently, moving his lips from my and down to my neck where he had been stroking with his finger. Another shiver filled my back, and it caused my to push myself into him, which he was trying to get me to do.

"You're so sensitive and easy to manipulate this way," Near whispered into my ear. He kissed my earlobe and pressed his arm tightly to my back so I stayed closed to him. "And in turn, I like how you smell, too. You smell like creamy berry oil...it makes me want to rub you into my skin."

He shifted upward, and he drove deeper inside of me. I clenched his hair between my fingers and took in a deep breath.

"And with your hair, you might as well be a berry, yourself," he continued. "But it makes you look beautiful...but no matter what your hair color is, you'll always be beautiful..."

My face was in his neck, the bridge of my nose perfectly caressing the curve in it. "Do you really think that?" I asked, truly flattered.

"Why do you think I was staring at you so much?"

"Oh, well...I kind of didn't notice you staring at me so much..."

He pulled out of me slightly, and I tilted my head back a little. "Why were you staring at me?" he wondered.

"Well...I was intrigued by your...ability...ies..."

He made a curious face and pushed back in with great force. I cried out, but he muffled the cry by kissing me again. "What abilities may those be?"

"Y-you're smart..."

"Lies," he whispered harshly. "I know when you lie...I've already told you...that's of the abilities you speak..."

"I can't tell you," I said, putting my lips back to his sweet skin for comfort. "I can't tell anyone..."

"Lies," he said again, allowing me to suck lightly on his skin. He put a hand on the back of my head. "You have already told Matsuda."

This was AMAZING! How did he know that?! I had JUST told Matsuda! Maybe he really COULD read minds!

"H-how do you know that?" I asked in alarm. "If you know I told him, shouldn't you already know what it is? If not, why didn't you just ask HIM?"

Near kissed my cheek. "Deduction skills, mother," he whispered. "I figured that's what you were talking to Matsuda about in your room. And I can't ask Matsuda, because I know that he wouldn't tell me, honoring his complete and utter devotion to you as a lover."

"I don't like Matsuda that way," I muttered, looking away from Near in embarrassment.

"I know," he murmured, kissing my neck again. "Tell me what this ability is..."

I winced. This was going to kill me..."The ability for you to block me from reading your mind."

I waited for a response or some kind of movement away from me. But none came. After a few moments, I looked up at him, and he was just looking back at me. "So, L was right about your mind reading."

"H-he knew?"

"He told me the night we were speaking and you came out to greet me. But he said that they were only suspicions."

I looked away from him again. He hated me...

"I don't hate you one bit..." he whispered into my ear. He kissed the side of my neck passionately and tensed, holding me tighter than before. "I'm more attracted to you than I was before..."

"Can you read minds, too?" I asked breathlessly, getting ready to climax from his movements. Near sensed this and began gently moving in and out of me.

"No. Like I said, it's deduction from movements and facial expressions."

My muscles tightened, and I moaned loudly, throwing my head far back. Near took the opportunity to suck on the skin just below my chin, forcing me to keep my head back.

"You like how I touch your neck," he said, his voice muffled through me.

"Of course I do," I panted. "It's hard not to like how gentle your are."

He suddenly stopped and slowly looked up. I was too tired to lift my head, so I kept it back the way it was and tried to catch my breath. There was silence for a long while.

"W-What's going on?" a familiar voice said.

I stopped breathing.

"Shit! I left the doors open!" I thought, panicking.

Giovanni and Matsuda were standing there. Matsuda wanted to talk to me, to see what had gone on between Near and I, but Giovanni said I was giving Near a bath. Matsuda said he wanted to speak now, and Giovanni didn't see any harm in it...

Matsuda's expression was disgusted and hurt and horrified all at once. He was beside himself; he was devastated that I lied to him about loving Near; He was disgusted would do this with a kid; and horrified that I would choose a kid over someone closer to my age.

Giovanni was just...everything all at once. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, just as Matsuda couldn't.

"I guess I forgot to teach how to knock," Near said, meaning it to sound very angry. But it was in his normal tone of listlessness.

"I-I'm so sorry, N! I didn't mean to...the door was open—and Matsuda wanted--"

Matsuda fell to his knees. "Kaeru, how could you...?"

The shame fell upon me. A kid...I started crying again. This day really did just keep getting worse...And I SWORE I told Matsuda to stay in his room until I went to him myself!

"I forced her into it. Do not blame the girl."

"Stop trying to defend her! I know you like each other! I see how you've stared at one another for hours!" Matsuda cried. That made ME cry even more, having caused an innocent tears. And even though I didn't like Matsuda so much, he was sweet and didn't deserve to have someone make him upset.

"Does L know about this...?" Giovanni asked.

"No," Near replied. "We had intended to keep this from everyone else. You must keep this secret."

Giovanni nodded. "We...we'll not say anything..."

Matsuda planned to tell Light and L; I saw it in his mind. But he nodded in agreement with Giovanni. Matsuda knew I knew. He hated me now, for breaking him. I felt horrible. I felt so dirty...

But there was no denying my new found feelings for Near, no matter what age he was.

Near gently eased out of me, but stayed on top of my body to keep me covered. He knew I didn't want them to see me unclothed, and I was grateful to him for doing that.

"Please exit the room so we may dress," Near said.

Giovanni nodded and dragged Matsuda out of the room with him. Matsuda was going to tell NOW.

I didn't care. I just wanted to go to sleep with my shame.

"Don't feel that way," Near whispered, wiping my tears away. "It's alright. I'm here for you."

He stood up and helped me up. He only came to my breasts, and it was awkward with us standing there like we were. He didn't seem to think so...

I grabbed a towel unconsciously and wrapped it around him, like a mother would a child. I ushered him out of the bathroom, grabbing a towel for myself, and found that he had already had a brand new dress placed out for me.

It was a gorgeous dress, in the style that I liked. It was purple, my favorite color, and black, and very intricate. It was the style that American women wore in the early 1700's for special events—old Gothic style. The long sleeves would be tight to my skin, then open up widely with frills and hang down, sort of like a kimono. The drape of the dress would be long enough to cover my feet, and the torso had strings like a gurtle the tied over the top of my breasts.

I looked down at Near when I saw it. He stared back at me with his listless eyes. "I thought you would like it. I bought this a couple of days ago for you."

I looked back at the dress. "It's beautiful...I love it!"

I ran over to it and held it in front of me, tying my towel securely in place. It was flowing and poofy with the frills on the sleeves, chest, and gown. And the best thing was that it was dark colors, one of them my favorite.

"I want you to take me out this evening...to a restaurant. I want you to wear this."

I saw his game. "On a date?"

"Something like that."

I smiled, not knowing what else to do, and got dressed. Near insisted I help him into his clothes, so halfway dressing myself, I went over and help him into his normal baggy shirt and pants, and he helped me put my new dress on in turn.

And there were of course MORE people I had never seen before standing out there. A double date—Light was with some girl with short blondish brown hair named Kiyomi. I immediately didn't like her. Matsuda, L, and Giovanni were out there, too.

And she didn't like me, either. Yep. She was in love with Light. She knew Light was Kira, and she worshipped him for it. And Light was going to use her as a pawn in his games, just like he intended to do with everyone he came across. And he told her what I'd been doing to him, in turn making her hate me. I see how it is.

"So Light," I said with a smile. "I heard your mother already came and cleaned the crap out of your pants."

He scowled at me.

"How dare you talk to Light like that!" Kiyomi yelled, shoving a finger in my face.

Oh, no she just di'int. "Listen, lady, he's MY cousin and I do what I want to him. You need to stay out of other people's business."

"Light's business IS my business, thank you very much."

"But MY business ISN'T your business, so stay the hell out of my way or I'll rip you to pieces! And I don't CARE about the murder charges!"

Matsuda, even though he had come to recently dislike me, was still in love with me and liked how I had snapped at Kiyomi.

"You're already going to be charged with child malestation," Light said with a smirk.

And that hit a nerve.

He was down on the ground before you could say 'pie'.

I was shaking with anger, and it felt GREAT to have punched Light in the nose like that. "WHAT did you just say to me?! I DARE you to say that again!"

Everyone had gasped when I hit Light. I don't care WHO was there; if someone tells me something like THAT, they go DOWN.

"Calm down," Near said quietly.

"I AM CALM!!" I screamed at him.

He started laughing, and I wanted to punch him, too.

Kiyomi was kneeling next to Light, making sure he was okay and mopping the blood from his nose. Matsuda marveled at my strength. I wasn't sure, but it seemed like L liked that Light finally got what he deserved.

"Maybe you shouldn't go together..." Giovanni suggested nervously.

"No, it will be fine," Near assured him. "I'll make sure Kaeru behaves properly."

I was still shaking. One more comment like that from Light OR Kiyomi, and both of them were getting more than just a broken face...

Light was only doing this because L was making him.

Near put his hand in mine, and I held it tightly. I stopped shaking and stood obediently by his side, but I still continued to glare at Light and Kiyomi.

I think it's about time I started making BOTH of them go down.


	7. Chapter 6

Light made to sit on the far side of me the entire time. I would say that meant I made my point, right? I was sure that he wouldn't make any more outrageous comments about me for the rest of the time that he lived. Well, he might want to get hit, but that was fine with me. I'd hit him as many times as he wanted. Heaven and hell knows he deserves it for being the biggest air-headed asshole on the planet.

I wouldn't have noticed if he thought anything (I would have hit him if he thought it, too), though, as I was in a glaring contest with Kiyomi the whole time. Who the hell did she think she was, anyway? You should have SEEN the things she thought about Light! This was sadistic rape! Like, WAY worse than what I did! I wouldn't be surprised if she carried through with it! I mean, she was glaring at me, but her mind was so far off into rape-land of Light that it wasn't even funny. I'm talking tying him up onto one of those large wheel-of-fortune things and holding him upside down while doing the WEIRDEST things to him! Even -I- wouldn't do that. If only Light knew what kind of person he chose to be his messenger...

And what's more, is that they had ANOTHER person in there with them. Kiyomi didn't have the Note (the one that Misa had), but this other person did. When Light couldn't kill, this guy would always be killing people to keep Light under less suspicion...if that even made SENSE. But he was very handsome...I liked the way they had him in their mind. Oval wire-rimmed glasses, quite young (25 or 26), shagged shoulder length brown hair, and business-like. He was a prosecutor, if I was correct in reading their minds...which I usually was.

Near tugged my sleeve when we were almost there, and I looked down at him with a grimace, as I wanted to keep Kiyomi and I's competition going. "You need to calm down."

"I am calm!" I shouted. Everyone jumped except for Near. It had been quiet until then. He stared at me intensely, with his unchanging emotionless expression and his dark eyes, and I couldn't help but loosen up.

"You need to control your temper."

"What?! Oh, no, you're not pinning this on me! She started it!" I pointed at Kiyomi with a growl, who was still glaring in my direction.

"I meant what you did earlier at headquarters, but this counts, too." He put his hand in mine. Why was it that I was a grown woman, and yet he still exceeded me in the ability to keep one's self together? It kind of pissed me off. Then again, I was a naturally pissy person, anyway. Maybe a little short tempered...

I glanced at Light out of the corner of my eyes. He saw my glance and shrugged away from me slightly, keeping his eyes out of the limo window. "Yeah, you better stay away," I thought with a smirk.

"But he deserved it, and you know it," I whispered in his ear.

"It could have been handled in a different way. Violence is never an answer."

"I'm not going to let anyone call me a child Predator, especially mister oh-I'm-so-awesome-and-smart over there."

Near was silent for e moment, and his sweet scent washed over me again. I relaxed unnaturally and my head fell limp on his shoulder. Near chuckled silently. "There. That wasn't so hard, was it? Now keep yourself calm while we're in the restaurant."

I was languid after we exited the vehicle and entered the large, intricate doors of the restaurant. I was beginning to think that there was some sort of chemical in whatever he was using that affects me...but I'd have to let it go until later. Kiyomi didn't know what Light was talking about when he said what he said earlier, so Matsuda (who I suddenly became EXTREMELY angry with all of a sudden) really did only tell Light and L. God, Matsuda's ass was grass when I got back...and I would be the lawnmower.

Of course, I was perfectly aware that I was distant to what was going on around me. Near held my hand and led me in, and his scent seemed to draw up my arm and spiral across my face, keeping me mesmerized. Even at the table I was irrationally aloof. Near had to hold up my menu and helped me select what I was going to order, and had to order everything for me when the waitress came. I couldn't keep tabs on what either Kiyomi or Light were thinking, but I was aware of the fact that they were under the impression that something was wrong with me.

And in my distant state of mind, I wondered why Light and Kiyomi had come with Near and I. Why had Near come on the night L had made Matsuda and I go out? Why was Light there both times? Was all this just investigation, to study Light to see if he made any wrong moves? To see how he killed, IF he killed? And why was this scent so tantalizing? Why to me? It smelled great...and I couldn't help but do whatever the wearer told me to...did Near understand that fact? Was he just using me, as Light was doing to Kiyomi and everyone else?

"Is...Is she alright?" Light's voice broke the silence. "It kind of looks like someone sucked out her soul."

Kiyomi snickered.

"She's perfectly fine," Near reassured him. "I told her to keep her temper, and I suppose she's trying to be as placid as possible. Is that correct, mother?"

"Yes," I said vaguely.

"It looks like you've drugged her or something," Kiyomi commented with a sneer and a mocking look.

Oh...oh...she was asking for it...I know what she meant by that! She was trying to insult Near on his ability of getting women, of having to drug them! Oh! NO ONE...insults my peeps. NO ONE, MAN!

The spell that the smell brought on broke suddenly and I stood up, slamming my hands on the table to make the silverware and glasses make a loud clank. Near grabbed my arm and yanked me back into my seat, surprised I had been snapped out of my reverous state so easily.

Kiyomi stared at me with disbelief and terror. She knew she was going to get it. I know she knew, because I mouthed 'you're going down, bitch' when Light and Near exchanged glances.

Oh, was this some sort of convergence or something? Who said Light could look at Near? I don't think I said he could do that, do you? Because I don't remember saying he could do that. And I know I was being irrational. But it I was pissed off, and women have the right to be irrational when they're pissed off.

Now that I was snapped out of it, I wouldn't let myself go back in. So I had to resist and keep my cool the whole time. I wanted to be good, for Near, since he wanted me to be calm so very much. But it was hard, from what I heard of Kiyomi's and Light's thoughts. Light was going to introduce me to Mikami. Mikami had the sight. He had the Shinigami eyes. He also thought of an alternative of just bringing him a picture of me, to save the trouble of making me do something when he knew I would no longer do a single thing he said.

And so begins the problem of having to kill another person. And this person happened to be hot to me. What fun! (not)

Now that I was back to my old self of not being mesmerized, I couldn't remember what I had ordered. It was probably going to be something I absolutely hated or wouldn't like...like last time. Surprisingly, when the waitress came back with our food, it was everything that I loved. There was medium steak with A1 steak sauce, a half-baked potato topped with shredded American cheese, sour cream, and bacon bits with heavy butter, crinkled fries, Italian green beans heavily salted and peppered, and...the most delicious looking cheesecake I'd ever seen in my history of being alive...I LovE ChEEseCaKe!!

And I stared at the food in disbelief.

"You were incoherent, so I ordered for you. I hope you like it."

"H-How did you know that all this is my favorite?" I said in shock.

Near studied my face for a moment. "I have my ways."

Now I was starting to think that maybe he really COULD read minds. There was no way I could have made any big facial expressions showing what food I like. Reading facial expressions my ASS.

And we ate in silence. Kiyomi's thoughts were getting worse by the second...it went from major rape to OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD-RIP-MY-BRAIN-OUT-WITH-A-SPORK rape. You know, the kind where they turn all emo and start cutting each other. I mean she was MESSED up. And talk about obsession! She knew that I wasn't Light's cousin and thought that Light's obvious dislike of me was because he was secretly in love with me. Oh, yeah, I'm sure! That's why he wants to kill me! That's why he thinks about ways for me to die! He's SO head over heels for me. Yep.

And so she wants to stab me with a stake.

"What the hell is wrong with this woman?!" is definitely one of the things I wanted to scream out. I almost did when she got to the part where she cut off his...-cough- happy place -cough-. She was twisted, man. She was so twisted, I thought I might actually right my own name in the Death Note just to get away from her sadistic thoughts.

And Near was aware something was wrong. I only knew that at the time because I knew he saw me making horrified faces at my dinner (no way in hell I would look at the sick woman anymore). A certain image from her made me start choking on a bite of my potato at one point. And I really was choking, too—no air was passing the chunk. Of course Near is just SO great at everything, so he came to the rescue and used the Heimlich Maneuver...sort of. It hit Light in the face. Serves him right for being him and bringing this horrible woman onto us. Who knew a TV anchorwoman could be so messed up inside?

And by the time we got into the car, I could no longer look at Light without being completely and utterly repulsed. I wished I had brought a fork so I could stab myself and maybe give myself enough brain damage so that I couldn't read minds anymore, and possibly not see...or move...or feel...or breath...or anything else that involves living. I'm not even JOKING at how messed up Kiyomi was, man! I was terrified of her! It was horrible! I mean, it's not funny! PLEASE tell me when to stop talking about it so I know that you get the point of how badly twisted this woman is!

I had started rocking back in forth hugging myself in the limo, talking to myself saying that it was okay and I'd never see that kind of thing again. To my utter SHOCK, Kiyomi was getting creeped out by it. KIYOMI was getting creeped out. The girl that was completely sadistic in her fantasies of having hardcore blood sex with a guy who went around killing bad guys and some innocent people.

Near and (surprisingly) Light were just getting worried that something was seriously wrong.

"Are you alright...?" Light asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. Which brought the horrible twisted thoughts of Kiyomi murdering me while with...Light...a-and the b-blood...i-it was horrible!!

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!!" I screamed, throwing myself over Near, who was sitting farthest away from Light this time.

Light retracted his hand like he had been stung by something, and looked at Near in disbelief. "What's wrong?"

Near looked over at me, his eyes wide with curiosity and worry. "What's the matter?" he asked a bit too quickly. "What did he do?"

"Just keep them both the FUCK away from me!"

"Watch your language," he said quietly.

I had pressed myself against the opposite door of the limo from both Kiyomi and Light, and Near climbed onto my lap and pressed his upper chest, where his collar bones were, into my face gently. His scent made me loosen up again, and I was glad he did that, because it blocked the other two from me. Plus...I admit he kinda felt nice... "Now tell me what's wrong," he whispered into my ear. "Only I will hear."

"I-It's Kiyomi..." I whispered back.

I could feel his expression become surprised as he had his face pressed into my hair. "Kiyomi? What about her?"

"H-Her thoughts...she's sadistically obsessed with Light...the things she thinks...and she thinks that Light and I are together...and when he t-touched me...the murder...the t-thoughts...!"

He held me tight, and I couldn't help but put my arms around him in turn and press my face down into his lower chest as he straightened himself. He stroked my hair, and as he did so, Kiyomi's thought's were changing.

"Is she with the kid? Are you serious? The woman is with a KID? She's such a...a...child predator!"

They may have been thoughts, but I SO heard them! Oh, oh, oh, she was going DOWN. She was going down harder than Light would be. I saw how it was with her, then.

But I kept my cool. I liked being held by Near this way...and this way they couldn't see me crying. I was pissed off, upset, terrified, and content all at once. My sobs were silent, and only Near could see or feel my trembling and sobs. For a split second I heard a thought from Near. It was only two sentences, but both made me feel so much better, especially the last one, it made me sob harder. And there was no mistaking Near's voice of mind.

"I should take better care of her...I just think I've fallen in love with her so deep, I'll protect her with everything I have, even my life."

"I love you, Near," I whimpered into him.

Near was silent, but the way he held me even closer, I knew he meant 'I love you, too'. And what surprises me is that I had known him for about a week, but I hadn't talked to him until today. Because I was intimidated by him. And now, I was falling in love with him. I WAS in love with him. I was in love with a twelve year old.

But those facts didn't bother me anymore. I liked how he could make me relax when I needed to relax but couldn't do so myself. I liked this feeling that was brought on when he held me like this. I liked how his small body felt pressed against mine. I liked how warm he was, how soft he was, how in every way gentle he was, and yet so strong. I loved how his hair was so light and fluffy. I liked how he knew everything. I liked everything about him. No, I loved it. I wanted to bask myself in how much I loved everything about him and his entirety, and he knew.

And I knew...that he WANTED me to have heard those thoughts. He controlled what thoughts were let out for me to read...he chose when his wall would be let up. And he let me in, for a split second.

I sobbed loudly into his chest when he held me tighter as I realized this, and I didn't care if the other two heard. What gave me satisfaction is that they both got worried that they did something to me. What made that go away is that they thought that Near would punish them somehow if it was their fault. But Light was genuinely worried about ME. It was only Kiyomi that had the thoughts of punishment. It made me feel a little better, and a little closer to Light as...not enemies. Not friends, not acquaintances, but not enemies.

"Is she going to be okay?" Light asked.

And again with Kiyomi's murder thoughts. I wailed at her thoughts and clenched Near's pajama-like shirt. Light flinched.

I didn't want to see her thoughts anymore! I wanted Kiyomi away from me! I didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore! I never wanted to see her, I didn't want to hear or hear OF her, I wanted her completely and utterly gone!

"Maybe you just shouldn't be worried," Near said with an edge in his voice. "Don't wonder. Don't speak of her, don't think of her, don't even look at her. Just don't."

Light got a little hurt and worried to as what I had told Near. Had I told him of the Death Note? Maybe. Would he get arrested? I wouldn't mind it...Or was it that I could read minds and something Kiyomi thought freaked me out? Oh, now THAT one might have hit the nail on the head. But I wasn't going to tell him that that last thought was exactly what was up. Too risky.

Kiyomi was slightly freaked out for my outburst for no reason. To her, nothing had happened to get me upset. If only she KNEW. If only she knew what I knew.

We exited the car when we got back to headquarters, though. The rest of the way, Near had stayed huddled over me, humming some soft tune into my ear. It calmed me quite a lot, and I was unendingly grateful to him for it. He helped me out of the car and held my hand firmly all the way to the room of screens that acted as a main hallway for our bedrooms.

L was waiting for us to get back. He was staring blankly at the screens, as he always was, and didn't turn to greet us when we entered. He ordered everyone except for Near and I to dissipate and go to our separate rooms. Was L going to be angry with Near and I for the incident in Near's bathroom? And that suddenly reminded me that I was furious with Matsuda. He was going to wake up tomorrow with no hair. ANYWHERE.

"Did you two have a nice time out tonight?" L asked casually as the other members of the task force were still exiting.

I looked down and remained silent. "The food was decent, if that's what you mean," Near replied just as casually.

"So, Kaeru can really read minds, then?" L asked this quietly a few seconds after Near had replied to his first question, making sure that no one was left in the room.

"Yes, she can."

"Does that only make your feelings grow for her?"

Near was silent.

"I see," L said.

"Kiyomi's thought's are very twisted, L," Near said firmly.

"I know, I heard."

So the limo was WIRED. Aw, hell naw!

And which means my waterworks were heard by the entire task force. I know that they were in the room. And it kind of pissed me off. Just a little.

But I kept my face the way it was; hurt and upset.

"Tell me, Kaeru, what was Kiyomi thinking?" L asked.

"I'm not repeating anything I saw," I said in utter disgust. "Blood and rape..."

"Rape?" L asked with more surprise than I ever thought he could.

With a reaction like that, I HAD to tell the story. "S-She kept thinking of her and Light...keeping him in a basement or something...and cutting him, basking herself in his blood...raping h-him...it was the most horrible thing I'd ever seen...she's obsessed with him..."

L and Near exchanged looks of disbelief.

"I-I would suggest you keep her far away from Light, for his own safety."

And someone knocked on the door.

Watari walked over and answered the door. He was JUST turning the knob when the person threw their shoulder against it, crushing Watari behind it and bolting towards Near, L and I. All three of us were stunned and couldn't react with the time given to us.

Whoever it was grabbed me and threw me over their shoulder. This person's mind was too riddled with thought's, and I couldn't tell what it was that he was thinking. But I knew from the jumbled voices that it was definitely a guy.

And Near's mind shouted Mello at me. It was definitely Near's mind that said it...because no one reacted to the shouted.

And I fainted.


	8. The End of Kira

This really sucked. Not only was I terrified and about to pee myself, I was locked up in a room, in what felt like a strait jacket made of sheets, blindfolded, and was strapped upright on a metal slab. Doesn't that sound like just the GREATEST fun? Boy, if you could just see the SMILE on my face!

Some other man was with Mello, whose mind I COULD read. His name was Matt. He was the one who stripped me of my clothes and wrapped me in the jacket and strapped me to the slab thing. I was only semi conscious—there was a painful burning in my arm, where (according to Matt) I was injected with some sort of drug that would keep me groggy and compliant until I was fully restrained and immobilized.

At least they had Kiyomi strapped in a different room.

Kiyomi had been restrained even more. Matt and Mello suspected her of actually being with Kira, which is why they had taken her. They wanted in on however Kira was killing. They took me because I was the only female with the investigation, and they figured they could bribe Kira by giving me to him to hold hostage for whatever Kira wanted. If only they knew how perfect that plan actually was. I bet that Light would like nothing more than just that.

But how they knew who Kira was, or how they would get the information out of Kiyomi, was beyond me.

I thought of how Near's face was shocked and terrified before I passed out, his hand outstretched, unable to comprehend that I was being taken away. The way his eyes were wide with fear, or disbelief, or maybe both. I didn't know. At the time I was really thinking of anything. My own eyes bulging with confusion, my mind blank except for Near's name with a question mark.

And then here I was, strapped up to a board, not able to see anything, nothing meeting my ears except for a loud humming noise that seemed to come from machines. I was cold. I was shivering. I felt sick. I had to pee. I was hungry. How long had I been asleep? I remember awaking, staring at the ceiling of a car, with street lights passing by my face. It had to have been really late at night, or extremely early in the morning.

Muffled voices began to talk as I groaned—my head hurt-- and before I knew it, my arm started to hurt and I was out again. That must have been when they injected the drug in me, no doubt.

And now I started to cry. I hated to cry. But I didn't know what else to do. I could keep tabs with what Matt was doing, but that seemed almost pointless, as Mello was head of everything anyway, and it didn't seem like he told Matt very much of his plans.

But I knew that Mello was a little unstable. Mello would do anything to get his goals accomplished. I could see through Matt's eyes. I could see what Mello looked like. I could see what Mello was doing. I could anticipate what Mello would do through his movements. I could be like Near and interperate Mello's mood and thoughts by his facial expressions and actions.

But all else I could do was cry and hope for a rescue. Maybe Light would be nice and actually try to get me back with an actual effort. But probably not.

Matt was now walking through very dank corridors, with old rusted pipes that were dripping water loudly into puddles below. It reminded me of a setting I saw in 'Saw' once, where Jigsaw was in his bed and had kidnapped that doctor. Except this place was worse.

Matt stopped at a door and pushed it in, and I saw me, strapped in the dim light of an ugly, dirty room. My head was tilted over my shoulder in an attempt to rest as I saw through Matt's mind. But he didn't know that I had invaded him.

"Are you awake, girl?" said a voice from an intercom. The speaker sounded old, and it crackled badly when he cut it off to let me reply. It was Mello.

"Where am I?" I asked, groggier than I thought my voice would sound.

"You have no need to worry about it. Comply with us and we'll see to your needs."

"What is it you want?" Though I already knew.

"We're keeping you for...I guess you could say ransom."

"Near and L will find me, you know," I said with acid in my tone, but I said it in hope. "I can only imagine what they'll do to you. Near will kill you."

Mello chuckled. "I doubt that Near would do that. We go way back, and I know what kind of person he is. He isn't the violent type."

I tried to lock onto Mello's mind, but it was still jam packed of voices and thoughts. I couldn't make out one from the other. Images piles up on top of each other, one of him as a child, his yellow hair in a bowl cut, playing innocently with a smaller boy with white fluffy hair.

Then another one of the two of them, but L was in this one. So was Watari...and what looked like L's twin. I stored this picture in my own mind, planning on asking L and Near about it later. If I made it out of there, that is.

I shivered badly, and I drew my chin to my chest in a faint attempt to warm myself up. I wanted to kick both Mello and Matt's asses so badly...but the belts that held me in place were too thick, and too strong. The thin sheet that separated my bare skin from the cold air wasn't sufficient enough in keeping my warmth to me, and I cursed them for degrading me in such a way.

I sobbed quietly, the blindfold not thick enough to keep my tears from meeting the icy air. They rolled down my cheeks, forming ice tracks down my cheeks, stinging my skin.

"My comrade is in the room. He'll take you to the bathroom if you need to. He'll feed you and keep you clean. Got it?"

I hiccuped. "Yes."

"We have your little friend, Kiyomi, with us, too. She's going through the same thing you are."

I scowled. "I wish you would just kill her. That bitch is sick, and I hate her. She deserves to die, and I hope she does."

Mello chuckled again. "Oh, don't get into any cat fights, now. Stay calm, kitty." He meowed into the microphone, the speaker crackled as he shut off the mic to attend to other things. I hated his voice.

I felt my belts starting to be undone, so I went back into Matt's mind. He was gently undoing the buckles, top to bottom, and grabbed my waist to help me land on the floor. Cold stone met my feet, and I cried out as an icy pang rose through my legs. I fell into Matt's chest, and he caught me to keep me from collapsing on the floor.

"I think maybe Mello gave her too much drug or something..." Matt thought, worried. "And she's freezing...I think I'll tie her back up with a blanket. It's chilly down here, anyway..."

At least SOMEONE was thinking about my needs other than myself.

"I'll help you to the bathroom, okay?" Matt said in a gruff tone. "And I'm sorry, but I'll have to be in there with you to make sure you don't try anything."

"I don't care. I just have to pee really bad."

Matt had a hand on my arm the entire time, leading me through the dank passages, but with my sight in his, I didn't need it. I could see everywhere I stepped through Matt's eyes. My feet were exceptionally pale, too. It was only brought to my attention because Matt was thinking it.

"We should have at least given her socks or something...I don't want to have to amputate her feet because of frostbite or something...it's just so cold in here...I'll have to give her mine. I don't need them, anyway."

It almost made me cry how kindly he was thinking. I could tell that Mello didn't give a damn, but Matt was thinking of my own wellbeing. But, that could have just been because that he was in charge of taking care of me, and he wanted me in mint condition for what they had planned.

The bathroom was a lot cleaner than everything else. It actually looked like we were in the bathroom of a rest stop on the interstate or something, with multiple sinks and stalls.

We had to enter the handicapped stall, because the other were too small to fit both Matt and I. He unclothed me and helped me sit on the seat, and I wanted to sigh in relief as my bladder became less full, but I decided that it was too embarrassing to do in front of a guy, and just sighed in my mind.

Of course I couldn't wipe myself. I was still in the jacket, still blindfolded. I wondered for a minute how this would work.

"I'm going to untie one of your arms so you can wipe."

Okay, good! I was scared there for a minute. The choices I had picked out were that he would make me leave without wiping, or wipe me himself. I didn't like either of those, but this was good. I was fine with that.

So I did, and he tied me back up. We walked back to my hell room, and he tied me back onto my slab. But he threw a blanket over me before he tied me back up, and he gave me his socks. He whispered to me not to tell Mello, or he'd get into trouble. There weren't any cameras in here, only speakers. I promised him not to tell. He was nice enough for me to do him a favor. Besides, I wanted to keep them. It was freaking cold down there.

I was unaware of the time that passed by. I was only awake for when I was fed and taken to the bathroom. I was given three meals a day, and given water six times a day, and taken to the bathroom four times a day—or so I thought. I wasn't very sure what was counted as a day. I was too tired most of the time to get into Matt's mind. I just knew that most of the time that I was being fed or cared for, Mello was negotiating with L or Near. With what I did not know. I wanted to hear Near's voice, but through the turmoil of Mello's mind, I couldn't hear or see anything he was doing. I only knew through Matt.

Also through that time, I had grown a bond with Matt. When I was coherent enough, we would hold conversations. I learned more about what Mello was like. He drove Matt hard, but Matt still considered Mello a friend. I learned that Matt didn't know what was happening most of the time, and that he was unsure of what Mello really intended using me for. I asked how Kiyomi was doing, and Matt said that he had to cater to her constantly, saying she was getting hysteric, and that he was thinking that they should get someone else to attend to her alone.

I also got around to telling Matt my name. Not my real one, but Kaeru. He said he wouldn't tell Mello, since I did him the favor about keeping quiet about the blanket. Matt even began regularly taking my blanket and extra clothing (even giving me free time from my strait jacket) and washing them, but only for as long as I stayed put and behaved. I did. I didn't see how I'd escape, anyway.

When I finally asked how long it had been since they both had taken me, Matt said it had been about a week and six days. Only two weeks. It had seemed so much longer than that.

Finally one day (or night, I was too confused with the time to know), as I was keeping tabs on what Matt was doing in a separate room, his mind became panicked. I had grown used to being connected with him, so it made me panic, too. What was happening? Mello...Mello was dying? He was dead? What happened? A heart attack? Kira had gotten to him? How? Matt panicked even more. He put his hand to his heart. He was having a heart attack, too!

Truthfully, I didn't want Matt to die. He was kind on the inside, despite his hard exterior, despite how cruel he looked with a cigarette in his mouth, despite the way he held himself and how he walked and how he dressed.

But he fell to the floor, clutching his heart, and was dead. Come to think of it, the whole time I was there, I hadn't tried to find Light's mind. I had completely forgotten about.

And I found him with no trouble at all. He wrote Mihael Keehl in the Death Note. That was Mello. He wrote Mail Jeevas in the Death Note. That was Matt. He got their names through Mikami. Found pictures of them, and gotten their names. It was getting sticky.

I started crying. I wanted Light to come and get me. "Light, I like you, okay? Despite how I hit you, how I call you names and make fun of you, I somewhat think of you as a friend! I want you to come and get me...get me from wherever this is..."

"Kaeru...?" Light said aloud. "Is that you?"

I saw through his eyes that everyone on the task force, including Gevanni and Near, looked at him.

"Light...? Can you hear me?" I thought in my mind, being sure to stay in his mind.

"Kaeru, where are you?" he asked, looking around.

"I have some sort of helmet on that has some kind of weird phone on it!" I lied quickly. "Please, Light, do me a favor and tell Near to open his mind to me! Just tell him, he'll know what it means!"

Light shrugged mentally and told Near what I had said. He looked at Light without emotion, like he usually always did. He seemed to be studying Light, and deemed he was being serious, and I could feel him lift down his barrier. His thoughts shouted at me as I lingered in Light's mind, but I quickly went to him.

"Near! Can you hear me?!"

"Koyuki?" his mind said with surprise. He hadn't been expecting me to communicate with him. "You can communicate telepathically?"

"I didn't know I could do it, either! Please Near, help me! I'm scared and cold, I can't see anything, and Matt and Mello have died!"

"I know," Near replied. "We were communicating with them, negotiating, trying to track them, when they both collapsed and died. Kira killed them."

"I think they have Kiyomi here, too..."

"Ms. Takada is dead, also. Mello was upset about it, saying that she had told about a Notebook of Death. Mello wanted it, most likely to get rid of me and my other agents around the world."

I sighed. At least SHE was out of the way. My mind went to meeting Mikami, and his Shinigami eyes...I didn't know how I would live past him.

"What about Mikami?" Near asked sharply. Oops. I forgot my mind was still connected with Near's, so he heard me thinking to myself.

I saw Near's mind look over to a man in the room that hadn't been there when I was there. It was Mikami.

A shiver went up my spine. This wasn't going to turn out very well. "Search him for a notebook," Near ordered the task force.

Immediately the entire task force jumped on Mikami. They searched his trench coat, his pockets, and his briefcase. They found the note in his briefcase, of course. It was different than the one Light had, with weird writing on it, but it was definitely a Death Note.

"Arrest him on suspicions of being Kira," Near ordered them. And they obeyed, cuffing Mikami.

"Why did you not tell me before Mikami had a Death Note?" Near asked harshly. "If you had known--"

"I didn't know! I just found out when—it was--"

I couldn't think of an excuse. I had to turn Light in. There was no where to go...it was better this way, anyway. Light was a bad person...but I supposed that I was worse for having kept the secret in for this long. I wanted Light to die a horrible, painful, long death...but it wouldn't happen now.

"Near, Light is Kira...I had always known. I'm sorry. I was with him at first...but he killed innocent people, and I hated him for it. I'm not really Light's cousin. I read his mind and knew he was Kira, and told him I'd turn him in if he didn't let me help him kill criminals. But I really did start hating him, and I wanted him to pay for his sins, I wanted him to die a horrible death...but...I understand if you want to arrest me, too."

Near's expression became surprised. "Why would I do that? You didn't kill anyone. There's nothing that can be charged on you."

I had a guilty conscience. "I killed Misa Amane."

Near's thought's were silent again. I could tell he cut me off, and I though he never wanted to see me again, and he'd arrest me for the murder of Misa, and he didn't love me like he said he did anymore, and then I started thinking that maybe he didn't love me in the first place, and everything he did was just to try and get information out of me.

I started to feel a little sick when Near opened his mind again. "I won't say anything about it...everyone still thinks it was an accident. I don't want you taken away from me. I finally am getting to have you all to myself after this, and I'll let hell itself freeze over before anyone takes you away from me again."

My sickness started getting worse as I started crying. My blindfold got soaked with tears again and let the drops hit the cold air and leave freezing tear tracks down my cheeks. "I-I love you N-Near..." I sobbed in my mind.

"I want you to stay calm. We're going to apprehend Light, then we're coming to get you. Don't worry."

Near kept his mind open so I could see what was going on. He pointed to Light. "Kaeru has confessed. Light is Kira. Search him for a Notebook. Search his room, his clothing, everywhere. Be careful. He could have booby trapped a hiding place or something. I want him apprehended this very minute!"

Soichiro, Light's dad, was devastated. Everyone in the room was stunned motionless. "I said I want him apprehended, now!" Near shouted. L nodded next to him, and everyone moved to cuff Light, but Light made a run for it. I switched to Light's mind. He was making a run for the Death Note. He new Near's name. Nate River. He knew L's name. L Lawliet. He knew everyone's name on the task force, he was going to write them all down, even his own father. I switched back to Near.

"Near! He's going for the Death Note! He knows your name! He knows L's! He's going to write all of your names down! He's going to kill you all!"

Near jumped from his chair. He and L bolted after Light. They had no idea where he was going.

"To his room!" I shouted at Near.

The were falling behind. I struggled in my strait coat. Like I could do anything, anyway. I started crying. They weren't going to make it. Light was already at the door to his room, which was farthest away from the computer room for some stupid reason. Near would be dead. No one would save me. I would die in a few days without water and food. Light didn't care. He wanted me dead, especially after ratting him out.

"Light Yagami," I thought acidly. I had his face in my mind. "Light Yagami...I wish you'd die of a heart attack RIGHT NOW! Die just before you reach the Death Note, preventing you from killing Near and L! Making them live! Light Yagami, the fallen king of the New World!"

Light opened the drawer in his room which held the Death Note. This was it. He was going to erase everyone who knew of my existence.

And just like that, Light collapsed and died from a heart attack right there on the floor. Just before he grabbed the Death Note, too. His mind was fading out. He cursed me, screaming that he didn't want to die. He wasn't ready to die. He didn't want to go to nothingness, to limbo, neither heaven nor hell as the Death Note stated.

And he was gone. No longer did smart alleck thoughts enter his mind. No longer did he wonder what my name was, or anyone else's. Still, even in death, he didn't know my real name. And I'd never say.

He was dead. Light was dead. Kira was dead.

"Koyuki!" Near shouted in his mind when he saw Light's body on the floor. My thoughts flew to him instinctively. "What happened?"

"I don't know..." I thought to him. "He was reaching for the Death Note, and he died...I wanted him to die, and he did..."

I sobbed. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't want to know. I wanted to go home, to Near, I wanted to sleep on a bed, something soft, have Near's body press against mind, feel how warm and soft he was. I hadn't slept right in over two weeks, and I just wanted to be with Near again. I wanted to see again, and breath fresh air, be somewhere that wasn't cold, that wasn't damp, that wasn't creepy. Again, I wanted Near.

"You can kill with your mind," Near thought in disbelief. "You saved everyone's life, Koyuki...by killing with you MIND."

"I...I did...?"

Near turned to the task force. "We want you to dispose of Light. You know what to do. Alert the authorities around the world and say that Kira has been captured. L and I must get Kaeru."

Near comforted me one last time, offering to keep his mind open to soothe me on his way to get me, but I declined. I had enough for today, and said I'd rest until he got there. He told me he'd keep him mind open anyway, in case I had to contact him for something.

I dropped the connection and sighed. I was finally going home, after weeks of being held hostage.

"I was wondering why you just didn't kill him in the first place."

I screamed. Who was that? The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. I searched around for the person's mind, but there was none. Nothing to read. Was it the intercom again? There was no crackle. Who was this?

"Calm down, it's just me, Ryuk."

I sighed in relief. "God Dammit, Ryuk! You freaking scared me! And what do you mean?"

"I knew you were really annoyed with him. I don't understand why you just didn't kill him. And I don't understand why you used the Note to kill that Amane girl, too."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, really confused.

"Don't play with me." Ryuk snorted. "I know you're the Shinigami King. The title 'King' is held even if the Shinigami is female, and only the Shinigami king has the ability to start a life as a human and have all the powers you have. Oh, right...the memory problem...well, that solves the case of your memory loss."

He removed my blindfold, and the light hurt my eyes. Shinigami...King...?

"The Shinigami King has the ability to put him or herself into the fetus of an unborn baby, before the baby has a soul. That makes the fetus completely yours. Usually they only do that when they want to have some fun, or have fallen in love with another person that that fetus may have someday met. In Shinigami form, the Shinigami King can time travel. That's how the Shinigami knows who's fetus to enter if the King has fallen in love. And even though the King loses the memory as a Shinigami when he or she reincarnates himself, the feeling that is felt for the person he or she was in love with as a Shinigami remains. And if I'm not mistaken, that person for you is Near. Am I right?"

I stared at him silently.

"And also, since the Shinigami king has the ability to be a human and is not accustomed to the human world entirely, the Shinigami has powers that will not only assist him as a Shinigami, but when in the world as a human, also, to ensure maximum life length as a human, such as reading minds, telepathic communication, the ability to kill with his or her mind, Shinigami eyes, superhuman strength, and and telekinesis. Of course, the King has a choice as to what abilities he or she will have as a human, to make their life more interesting."

And that explained SO much. I'm not even joking as to how much that made sense to me. Then I really did love Near...

"Of course, those abilities are limited to use on humans only. Other Shinigami are unaffected by it. Except the King has the ability to punish other Shinigami by destroying them, when they have prevented the death of a human by killing another human, resulting in the saved human's life being expanded. You have just done that with Near and all those other humans, but since you are the King, you still live. Only you are able to do that. However unfair that may be..."

"Ryuk, I command you to untie me."

Ryuk followed my orders and untied me. I would wait here for Near. Near would come, and I'd be with him.

And yet, I was still going to have some fun.

So my memoir doesn't end there.


	9. Now and Ten Years Later

I was sitting silently on the cold floor, Matt's blanket wrapped around me, when Near entered flanked by L, Watari, and Gevanni. I had been holding in the rest of my tears for Near, and so when he walked in, the water works flew. I jumped up and ran to him. I must have stunk...I hadn't had a bath in two weeks, but Near didn't seem to notice. Neither did Gevanni, L, or Watari. The three of them watched as I cried into Near, kneeling so I was able to put my head into his chest. Ryuk watched, too.

And we made our way home. Well, back to headquarters.

I welcome the sight of the monitors and the doors that led into the separate rooms, which, ultimately, held the things that I wanted other than Near-- showers and beds. I figured that once I got some rest and cleaned up, I wouldn't feel sick anymore, so I didn't bother telling Near about. It would have caused unnecessary worry.

But after the shower (which I admit I took with the help of Near, since I was so weak), I felt even crappier than I did before. I felt like I was going to vomit. I had a pathogenic fear of vomiting, too. I hated the taste you got in your mouth when you did. I had only thrown up one time before in my life, and that was when I was, like, four, when I had the flu.

And right when I was about to tell Near, guess what I did? I bet you five million dollars you can't guess what I did. Aw...I loose five million dollars. Correct! I vomited. ALL over Near's clean bathroom floor. And the only thing he could do was watch me in astonishment and shock.

"Koyuki, are you okay?" he asked, helping me over to the toilet before the second round showed its face.

"I don't know...I've felt sick for awhile now...it's been on and off since they first took me to that place..." I put my cheek on the seat of the toilet to rest. Looks like I wouldn't get a bed until I was over this mess.

Near knelt behind me and put his arms around my waist, resting his head on my back. "I'll stay with you until you feel better."

I was afraid that Near would get sick, too. I didn't want him feeling as crappy as I was. I was kneeling over a toilet, staring at the wall waiting to vomit again, all in a towel. My head hurt, I was freaking tired, my stomach cramped, and I wanted to sleep in a bed. Of course I wouldn't get that bed until I was finished with my projectile liquid.

"Near, I finished making your be--What's wrong with her?" Gevanni said in mid sentence, looking down at us.

"She's not feeling so well."

I kept my eyes closed, thankful that I could at least lean forward to sleep and not upright with my head on my shoulder.

"Maybe they fed her too much. She looks kind of...not as skinny as she was before."

Nice save. Gevanni remember that if he said any one-word phrase that could be translated as 'fat', such as 'thick', 'chubby', 'fluffy', 'husky', or 'tubby', he'd be mince meat. But he saved himself. Good for him.

Near, not having noticed this, cocked his head around me and examined my stomach. He slipped his hand under the towel and rubbed it, feeling the extra weight. I noticed it was a bit more round, too, from how his hand felt. I was getting fat...they didn't let me exercise in there, okay? I was being held hostage!

"She is a bit round," Near stated. "but if she wishes, she can work it off herself. It's her body. I don't care one way or the other."

God, I loved Near.

He withdrew his hand from under my towel and resumed the position he was in before, resting his head on my back. He felt really warm, like I last remembered, and I sighed in content.

I vomited a few more times, but that was it. It went away after that, and Near then insisted I left a doctor check me out to make sure nothing was seriously wrong with me. He wanted me healthy and clean, and didn't want to worry about me having to have some sort of serious surgery if I had cancer or something. Like I had cancer, anyway...psh.

And he got a doctor to make a house call. And I can tell you why I threw up, too. I wasn't sick at all—the doctor said I was as healthy as a horse. My blood pressure was perfect, my average weight was great, my muscle mass was fine, and besides my body temperature being a little lower than normal, I was great. He told me that I'd have to eat a little more than usual, but it wasn't because of the temperature thing. I was going to have a baby.

Five freaking minutes in the bathtub, and I get pregnant?! I couldn't believe it! That ONE time, and I'm pregnant! From a twelve year old!

Kids...please wear latex condoms. They protect you from STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Not that I didn't want my baby, it's just I was astounded that it was so easy...

But man, you should have seen the look on Near's face. At fist he thought maybe Mello or Matt had raped me. Believe me, I would have known if one of them had raped me. After a few painful blood tests, Near was astounded to find that he really was my baby's daddy (God, that sounds so ghetto), and again, you should have seen his face. I thought it was funny, but he obviously didn't...

And he became paranoid with me after that. He ordered me to rest, not to move, to eat all the time, to keep clean and sanitized. He wanted to keep me healthy, and keep me so full I felt like I'd explode. I'd have to force him to let me follow him around wherever we were staying.

Speaking of which, we moved often, depending on what case Near had. Like Near needed it, anyway, he was rich...L and Near had parted ways, too. We'd still often get together with him and Watari for tea or something...whatever L had, it looked more like mud...and he always seemed deeply interested in how the baby was doing.

And I found out Near was stinking rich a couple of days after I found out I was pregnant. And I mean L-O-A-D-E-D. I'm talking more money than was in monopoly. I'm saying, like, that times five million. Near's smarts came in handy with all of this case stuff...he was usually done with something in less than a day. He was REALLY good.

And not only that, but Near opened up to me greatly. He spilled everything about himself to me, but of course only through our mind communication. He kept his mind open constantly after that, and I learned everything he liked, what he hated, his darkest secrets, his past, and everyday I snuck into his mind and deep into his thoughts to see how much he really loved me. He never knew I did that, but I did. It always comforted me when I was upset.

But that day that I came back from my dungeon with Near, I told Ryuk that if I was the Shinigami King, and every Shinigami had a Death Note, then I wanted him to bring me my Death Note.

And he did. It was made of some strange black leather, with blood red letters on the front, and was in the form of a spiral notebook. In the spiral spine was an ancient looking, strange pen with an eraser. I flipped through the pages, and saw that I had written names in it. Of course, that was to keep me alive, since writing names down was the way Shinigami stayed alive for so long. On the last page was Light's name.

"Yeah, even though you kill using your mind, the name still gets written in the note. When you think it, it automatically appears in your note."

I didn't want to see Light's name—it made me sad. He was close to being my friend (until he nearly killed Near and them, that is), and at this point I never wanted to hear of him again. They had taken his body to America to be cremated, and was already being boarded onto a plane.

So I grabbed my pen in started erasing his name from the note.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Ryuk said with a chuckle.

"And why not?" I asked, "It's not like if I erase his name, he'll come back to life."

Ryuk laughed harder. "Not if you use a regular eraser. But THAT eraser makes him come back to life."

I snorted. "Liar." And I finished erasing his name.

--TEN YEARS LATER--

My nine year old son was sprawled on the living room floor building a palace made out of dice. He was exactly like Near in every way, looks, brains, and even taste in clothes. Naturally, he got named after his father.

"When's daddy getting home today?" Nate asked.

I looked over the top of my book at him. He kept his mind blocked most of the time, like Near did, even though he had no idea I could read minds. He hadn't even looked up from his task. "He'll be home in a few minutes."

Right on cue, the front door opened and Near walked in. He was still a detective, still silent, still a kid on the inside. His looks had changed drastically. Now that he was twenty two, he was much taller. He had grown taller than I was. His hair was still fluffy, but it was a darker color, almost a silver lavender color, and he kept it slightly neater than it had been before. He still wore button-up shirts, still kept them untucked, but usually wore a loose black tie with it, along with black, loose fitting pants.

And Near walking in was cue for more to enter.

Through the back door, Nymphadora (who I had named after my favorite character from Harry Potter),who was seven, and Saya, who was five, streaked in. They both had been in the backyard, doing Lord knows what. They leaped and flew the last few feet through the air, for Near to catch them, and he did so with grace. He smiled and hugged them.

"So how was today, Koyuki?"

"Well...I sat here and read while these three tore up the house."

Nate looked up at me and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, the GIRLS tore of the house."

His smile widened, an attempt to get me off of the couch to hug him and give him a kiss. It always worked.

I squeezed in between the two girls and kissed him. Every time it reminded me of our wedding, which I, ironically, absolutely hated. The thing was that it was a wedding EVERY girl she wishes she could have, but couldn't have because you'd have to blow millions of dollars. I tried to convince Near to make it small, and not have girly colors, but he did the absolute opposite of that. My wedding dress...was PINK. The drapes, were PINK. And it was on the beach and he even ordered PINK SAND. The bride's maids dresses were pink. He wore a pink tuxedo (which I admit made me laugh when I walk down the isle), and even L, who was his best man, wore a pink tux.

My parents were there, and so were my siblings. My bride's maid was Krissie, a very good friend I had made not long after I got pregnant with Nate.

And there were people everywhere. A lot were people who Near and L had helped out, a bunch of fancy rich people. I had made a lot of friends, though, and most of them were there. We got some famous person to do the music for the wedding, and everyone seemed to love him (I had no idea who he was, though—I can't even remember the name).

But, using our mind communication, something startled me that he said-- "Today there were a series of heart attacks in a Los Angeles maximum security prison—all within forty seconds of each other."

I smiled over at Tonks and Saya. "Why don't you two take your brother upstairs and give him a makeover?"

They giggled and hopped down from Near's arms, and I watched them drag Nate (who was giving me a death glare) up the stairs.

"What?" I whispered harshly. I had grown to prefer speaking in person.

"I think it's another Note case—since no one other than who was on the task force, Gevanni and I know about it, we might have to team up with L to find out who it is."

I sighed. My face, usually looking no older than it did ten years ago, became creased. "Well, I talked to L just yesterday. He's in England at the moment with Watari."

"Kyoto isn't that far from England. No—we'll call him and meet somewhere. If he hasn't heard about this, we'll have to tell him."

And so we called him right away. Of course, nothing gets away from L, and he heard about the killings. He thought the same thing we did.

"I'm sure either of us could figure it out easily on our own, but for old time's sake, let's get together. Tokyo sound good?"

"Just like last time," Near replied.

And when he hung up, the chilling voice of mind entered my peripheral line of reading, which had grown to about ten thousand miles--

"I know you can hear me, Kaeru! Where ever you are! I'm back, and this time you won't stop me! I'll keep to myself, and you can try to find me, but nothing you do will provoke me—I'll keep killing no matter what!"

I froze in place.

"Koyuki, what is it?"

"Near...I accidentally brought Light Yagami back to life. He's back."


	10. The Penultimate

I ran a hand through my hair. I was still long, but it was now blue. My spontaneous attitude had not left me through the years, despite the fact I had three kids and a husband who couldn't cook worth crap to care for. Spontaneous actions could always help you out. I hoped to God it would now.

I couldn't hear Light's mind anymore. Had he gone out of range? There was no way he could have been RIGHT at that ten thousand mile mark. He couldn't have fit in that nicely. Or could he? Did he know my range? Or...or could he shut me off, like Near could? Like Nate? This was getting very bad. I had kids. He'd go after my babies—he'd try to kill my babies.

And then it struck me—he knew Near's name. He could write it down anytime. The same thing for L, too. Nate River and L Lawliet. But age progression...would that stop him? It was likely for Near, since he had grown so much. But did his child face count? I wasn't sure. I don't think any of the Shinigami knew.

I should have listened to Ryuk back then and kept his name in my stupid Death Note! That stupid eraser! Even if I died, I'd go back to being the Shinigami King. But what if Near died? What about Nate, and Tonks, and Saya? What would happen to them if they died? And if I died, who would care for them properly? God Dammit, I would never let Near remarry...even if it made him happy. I'm sorry, but Near was MINE, Shinigami or not!

I sat back onto the couch, and Near sat with me. "So what are we going to do?" he asked. Like he had to ask me. He was the super-de-awesome smart one. I should be asking HIM that.

"We can't leave the kids," I said. "We have to take them with us."

"But wouldn't they get in the way? What would happen if Light is after them, too?"

"I've thought of that. If we leave them, we can't keep an eye on them and know there safe, causing unnecessary worry." I sighed. "On the other hand, if we take them, we can keep them masked at all times, and know they're safe and alive. You'll have to wear a mask, too. I think that Light can't kill you because of your age progression. You'll all have to wear masks. I won't need one, anyway. I'll be fine if my name gets written—I'll just become a Shinigami again, and I'll always be with you, regardless."

And that was a promise.

"Kids, come down here! Your mother and I need to talk with you!"

Tonks and Saya flew down the stairs, jumping the last few, and rocketed onto the couch on either side of Near and I. Nate slowly dragged himself down, wiping off smudges of my makeup with the sleeve of his pajama-like shirt. A teddy bear was in his other hand, which he dragged on the ground behind him. He chose to crawl into my lap and sit. I was still amazed at how small he was for his age. Just like his father was.

"Okay, guys, we're going on a little vacation," I said with a smile. Saya and Tonks cheered, and Nate looked up at me with studying eyes. If he was like his father, he knew something was wrong by the way I spoke and the expression behind my eyes.

"But you'll have to wear Halloween masks," Near added. "Because where we're going, you won't be able to have any fun if you don't wear them ALL the way there, AND the entire time that we're there."

"Nice," I thought over to him.

He shrugged. "I used to be a kid that liked toys, you know," he thought back. "I know what kids want."

Saya raised her hand. "Do we get to choose what mask we get to wear?"

"Sure!" I said with a smile. "We'll go to the store right now to get them. We're leaving right after that, so pack your bags right now so we can leave!"

Saya and Tonks cheered again and flew back upstairs.

Nate stayed on my lap, refusing to move. "Don't you want to go get ready?" Near asked. He shook his head.

"We won't be able to leave if you don't get ready," I said, hugging him close to me.

"Mommy, I'm scared," he whispered to me so that Near couldn't hear. "What's going on?"

"I told you, sweetie, we're going on a vacation!"

"No we're not," he said sternly. "You're shaking, and in your eyes there's fear. You're scared for us, all of us."

"I can't tell you everything, honey, but all I can say is that there's a monster that kills people after us. The only way he can kill you is if he knows your name and face, and we're unsure if he can know your name just by looking at you, so the only way I can protect all of you from him is by having you wear masks so he doesn't know what you look like."

I felt my shirt getting wet. I hated it when my children cried, and I had never seen Nate cry before, so this shocked me. It scared me, too. "I don't want you to die, mommy," he sobbed. "You're not going to wear a mask, are you?"

I sighed and rubbed the back of his head and held him close to me with the other. "No, I'm not."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"If you love me, then wear a mask, too!" he said a little louder than he meant to. "I want you to stay here, with me! I know how daddy grew up, and I don't want to not have a mommy! I love you more than my toys and even everyone else in the family! You're the best mommy ever, even better than my friends' mommies!"

This little info kind of surprised me. Then again, he's his father's son, and we all know how Near was...please, don't make my son obsessed with me too. That would be horrible. Was I REALLY that likable? Because out of all the kind people who weren't as pissy as I was, I would think I'd be pretty low on the 'people I want to be obsessed with' list.

Even Near looked surprised. I looked over at him when Nate was sobbing into my chest, and his looked was as shocked as mine was. "Wow, I guess you're good to your family, then," he commented.

"Shut up," I snapped.

But I admit that Nate was always my favorite. That was mostly because he was just so much like his father, and I loved it. It was like having a pet Near in the house, one that always followed you around and wanted to be picked up and stuff. Now that I thought about it, he followed me around constantly. He almost never went near his father. When he wanted something, he always came and asked me. Then again, I didn't have to work and was always around the house. It was amazing how I still had my 20 year old figure after ten years and three kids.

I shook the thought away. No time to daydream about metabolism.

"It's okay," I whispered to Nate. "Mommy's not going anywhere. I promise. I'll always be right here with you. Go up and pack—I have to keep you four safe."

He gave me one last squeeze and bolted up the stairs to, I suspected, keep his father from seeing his tears. He left his teddy bear on the living room floor, and I leaned down and picked it up.

"He really does love you, Koyuki," Near said, throwing his feet in my lap. I shoved them off and snorted.

"Like father like son," I retorted.

"Hey," he snapped. "That's hitting below the belt. You're too pretty for your own good."

I chuckled. "Sure Mr. Slave-keeper. You practically raped me that first time!"

"I did not, and you know it! It was my natural smell that attracted you."

I glared at him, and he smirked at me. I threw the stuffed bear at his face and pushed myself off of the couch angrily. "Go pack for us. I'll make snacks for the kids in case they get hungry on the way there."

Near got up off the couch and shoved his face in mine. "But you know you loved me at first sight, just like I did you." And he tried to turn away to get up the stairs, but I grabbed his face.

"No, when I first saw you at that restaurant, I thought you were a stupid little punk who's mind I couldn't read."

And I kissed him for good measure. He smirked at me and kissed me.

"But I still have that smell you like, don't I?"

"Just go pack," I said with a sigh. He smacked my butt, half playing, half trying to arouse me.

"I'll take that as a yes!" he shouted and laughed, making sure to say it when he was well out of reach of my hands.

I growled in false anger and went into the kitchen and began making sandwiches and packing them into a small carry-on cooler with some water and juice. Near had definitely grown more playful and open with everything over time. I was happy about that, because we started having some real fun. He started wanting to go out and mess around a lot, which I thoroughly enjoyed. We messed with people using my mind abilities, making them think they were going crazy or something. That part was extremely fun...

And I also learned a lot about the Death Note from my own. I experimented with only the worst of criminals which were sentenced to die on the day I was experimenting. I was careful about that. The last thing I wanted was to kill people that were going to be set free. I wanted them to have the chance to restart their lives a new. They would have paid their debt to society by then.

"Do you want to bring this?" Near asked, holding out my Death Note in one hand, our bag with our clothes in it in his other.

I snatched it away from him. "Yeah, we'll have to." I held it to my chest. I couldn't let anyone else get there hands on this and turn into another Light. That was the last thing that I wanted.

And that brought the question...how did Light get another Death Note? Or, DID he have another Death Note? Despite the criminals dying, it could very well have been someone else killing people, and Light somehow contacted me to scare me.

"Ryuk!" I called. If Ryuk still had his own Note, and no one was using it, then he would come to me. I waited a few seconds, Near studying me (not really knowing what I was doing), and I called Ryuk one last time before he appeared, lowering himself through my ceiling.

"What is it?" he said shortly. "Three years of peace, and NOW you want me?"

"Who has a Note?" I asked. Near stared at me, appalled, having no idea who I was talking to. He couldn't see Ryuk. But, since I was the King, I could see all Shinigami.

"Oh, are you referring to the new human that has a Note?" Ryuk asked with interest. "I'm not sure...I'll have to have my memory refreshed somehow..."

I growled and tossed and apple to him. Near watched in astonishment as the apple disappeared, to him, in thin air as Ryuk ate it in only two bites.

"Okay, then. It's not MY note, obviously. After what happened last time, causing all that ruckus, a lot of the other Shinigami got interested in doing the same thing. And plus, word got out that you made yourself into a human, so there's less chance of them getting caught, since they knew you wouldn't remember, but of course, thanks to me, you know who you truly are."

"Yes, yes, but who's note is it and who has it!"

"Well, I can tell you it's Deridovely's Note."

I smacked my face. I knew Deridovely through the notes of different Shinigami that I made Ryuk bring me a few years ago. He liked to gamble, and he always wore a large mask made of bone. He was humanoid, with spiky hair shooting from the back of his mask. He is usually hunched over, covered with dirty, loose gauze, and carries a sickle.

My problem was that he liked to gamble with Gukku, and I bet that it was bet between the two. "He did it for a bet, didn't he?" I asked with my face in one of my hands.

"Yeah, pretty much."

I sighed. "And the person who has his note is...?"

"I thought you'd already know. You DID bring him back to life, you know."

I groaned. I knew it was going to be him. I just knew it. There was no denying that it was going to be him. The human that became a God to other humans. The human that defeated death, because the Shinigami King was stupid enough to erase his name from her Death Note.

"Okay, Ryuk, you can leave."

I tossed him one last apple for his effort, and he rose back through the ceiling and left.

So it was the Kira case all over again. Except this time, we had a better informed culprit. And we had no idea where he was at the moment, except it was somewhere within and ten thousand square mile radius. That helped, right?

"What was that all about?" Near asked.

"That was Ryuk—he's another Shinigami. I'm the Shinigami King, remember?"

"Right. And...what did he say?"

"Deridovely dropped his Death Note in the Human world on a bet he made with Gukku, and Light found it so now Light has the Note, he knows my powers, and he's killing people, and we have no idea where he is except that he's within the range of my mind reading powers."

"So, we're going to have trouble, then?"

I nodded. "He's smarter this time around. He's not going to fall for our bait of provoking him out into the open—and it seems like he can shut off me being able to read his mind, like you used to do."

Just then the other kids shot down the stairs and into the kitchen with Near and I. They each had their own bags packed, like we had taught them to do (since we traveled a lot for vacation, anyway), and were raring to go. Nate was the most sullen looking of them, and his eyes were red from crying. I opening my arms for him to come and give me a hug, and he dropped his bag and ran into me.

"It's okay, Nate," I said with a smile. "I promise we'll have lots of fun together, okay? All of us will be together constantly this time, so we'll do lots of stuff."

He looked up at me with his puffy red eyes, full with tears again. I sighed and picked him up. I'd have to carry him.

"Near, can you grab his bag? I'll have to carry him." I grabbed the lunch cooler and handed it to Tonks. "Can you carry this for mommy?"

"Why do you have to carry him? He's the oldest!" Saya complained.

"Nate's upset at the moment, honey. He needs to be comforted. I'm only doing to him what I've done to you two when YOU were upset. He's never been upset before, so this is important."

The two girls shrugged and raced to the car. I sighed and adjusted Nate on my hip. He put his arms around my neck securely and nuzzled into my collar.

"So, are we ready?" I asked Near. He nodded. He didn't question why we were taking the car all the way there instead of taking a plane. Too risky. Anyone could be working for Light. It was a risk just to let everyone into the store. Near still had a creepy mask of L, which he'd wear into the store, so he was okay, but I was worried about Nate and the girls. We'd have to risk it, anyway.

The store went okay, but I was constantly wary. I still had to carry Nate, and he said to just get him a mask. He kept his face dug into my chest the entire time, hiding his face from strangers. He was such a smart kid, and so sensitive under his hardened exterior. I picked out something I thought he'd like—he had a thing about wolves, so I got him a realistic wolf mask. Tonks got her a mask of Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast', and Saya got a mask of Tinkerbell.

So we bought the masks, and I made them all put them on right that instant. The lady that checked us out looked at Near funny, because truthfully, his L mask was horrible. It looked so weird.

And the trip to Tokyo took about five hours of heading north to get there. Near was driving, because Nate refused to unlatch himself from my chest. We made it to the agreed building that L had booked for us. It was similar to the building that the task force had ten years ago.

We had of course made it before L, since it would be another couple hours before he made it, but we checked into the appropriate room L had booked for us, and made our way up. It had five bedrooms—an 'ultra suite', as the hotel called it. Again, Near had to unpack, because Nate wouldn't let go. He helped Saya and Tonks unpack, unpacking Nate's clothes by himself, then went to our room to unpack our clothes. L had his own room, one room would be for the girls and Nate, one for Near and I, one for Watari, and then the other one for whomever would be joining us this time around on the case.

Of course, the entire time, they all had their masks on.

When L finally joined us, he didn't look a day older than before. Which was bad. I was surprised he wasn't dead yet.

"Had my name legally changed," he said as he walked in, reading the look on my face. I could read his mind, and he thought it in his head instead of saying it out loud for safe measure.

"Oh, I like it," I complemented him. "Nice choice."

Near looked at me curiously, wanting to know, too. "His name is 'Ryuzaki Taylor'," I sent to him in my mind.

Near nodded in agreement with my statement before.

"So, is this the famous Nate?" L asked, looking down at my son.

Nate was still wearing his wolf mask, and he nuzzled into my chest even more when L acknowledged him.

"Go ahead, Nate," I urged. "You can take off your mask now. I promise it's safe in here. L is a good man."

Nate slowly reached around my neck and pulled off his mask. He looked at L nervously, not fully sure about revealing himself to this new man.

"Well, how about that, Near, he looks exactly like you!" L said with his unnatural smile. Watari began unpacking L's things in his room.

"What can I say? I was thirteen when he was born. Of course he looks like me!"

L put his thumbnail in his mouth as he studied Nate's posture and actions. "He definitely likes his mother pretty well, doesn't he?"

"Like father like son," I said with a smirk, in the same way I had said to Near earlier that day.

L laughed out loud. "Let's hope not. Incest genes are a big problem in the smaller countries these days."

I kicked a flipflop off of my foot, aiming for L's head, but L ducked and it miss, flying past and hitting the opposite wall. "Careful, you don't want to loose this," he said, grabbing my foot while it was still outstretched. He smirked and stroked the my sole, and I laughed uncontrollably. That was one of my extremely ticklish spots.

"Stop! Stop! I give! I won't do it again, I promise!"

Unexpectedly, Nate turned and launched himself at L. L fell back onto the ground, and Nate rolled over to the side of him.

"Nate, what are you doing?!" Near shouted.

My instinct was to jump up off of the couch and grab my baby to make sure he was okay, and I did. "Nate, oh, are you okay? What in God's name did you do that for?"

I kissed a spot on his cheek that was beginning to form a bruise. "He was hurting you, mommy!"

I laughed and hugged him. "He wasn't hurting me, sweetie, he was tickling me."

Near helped L off of the ground, and L was smiling over at us. "Protective, too, huh?"

"I'm sorry, L, he's just really scared about what's going on," I apologized to him, knowing I'd never get Nate to apologize to L himself.

"He's really just like his father." L slapped Near on the back.

And a voice entered my head suddenly. "Tomorrow at ten A.M. I want you to meet me at Karuchani Shrine. You can bring whoever you want, but if they interfere with anything, I WILL kill them."

I froze.

"M-Mommy, what's wrong?" Nate asked me, shaking.

Near and L looked over at me. "Nothing baby," I said as softly as I could. "I'll just be taking a little trip outside tomorrow. I don't want ANY of you coming with me or following me. If you do, I'll...I don't know what I'll do, but it'll be bad."

And I instantly knew that none of them would listen and stalk me to wherever I was going, anyway.


	11. The Final and Reverse

Ten A.M. was twelve hours from now. And when his mind was cut off, I had that feeling of death you get when you know someone is going to die, and it's most likely you, you know? What I planned on doing was leaving my Death Note to my family so they could see me as a Shinigami. That way I'd always be there for them, until the day they died. I'd keep my promise.

I looked over at Near. "Help me put the kids to bed..." I said sadly.

Near nodded and followed me into the kids' room. He helped me tuck everyone in, and again, I had to tuck Nate in by myself. I sat at the edge of his bed. He had his own, while the girls were sharing. I stroke his hair, and he looked back at me sadly. "Mommy will be fine."

"Mommy, you're going to get hurt. Don't go meet that man tomorrow."

I looked at him, surprised. "How did you know I was going to meet someone tomorrow? And what's gotten into you lately? You've never been so clingy before."

"I can just sense things...it's like I can know what everyone is thinking. I've always known what you were thinking, and daddy, too, and Saya and Tonks, and everyone else. I can't shut off the voices."

I chuckled. I guess he DID inherit something from me. "I can do that, too, Nate," I said, crawling under the covers with him. "But you want to know something? I could never read your father's mind when I first met him. He could choose whether I could hear his thoughts or not. He was one of the world's greatest detectives, so he had to keep everything secret at all costs. Soon after I met him, though, he got to where he loved me so much, he quit all of that and left his mind permanently open so I could always contact him if I needed to."

Nate snuggled into me. "Really?"

"Yep. And you want to know something?"

"What?"

"I can't read your mind, either. You're exactly like your father was when he was your age. Intelligent, and mature yet childish."

I tickled him and he giggled silently. When I stopped he climbed on top of me and laid his head on my chest. "Mommy?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I know, sweetie. I love you, too."

Nate fell asleep surprisingly fast, and I had to VERY carefully slide him off of me and tuck him back in properly. I stared down at his small body, and was reminded of Near, who almost never slept. Maybe he wasn't exactly like his father—after all, he inherited stuff from me, too. But there was no denying how he looked, how warm he was, how he acted...it was all just like his father.

I leaned down and kissed him, pushing his fluffy white hair from his face. "I love you so much, Nate. You're exactly like your father...no matter what anyone says or thinks."

I wiped some tears from my face, walking back into the living room of the suite. Near had been waiting for me, and he was sitting, alone, on the couch, staring blankly at a wall. "Where's L and Watari?"

"They went back into their rooms to get some rest."

"L doesn't sleep," I commented suspiciously. I let it go, anyway. Whatever it was, I wanted to have some alone time with him anyway.

Near was about to give another excuse, but I put a finger over his mouth to stub the flow of words to come. I pulled my finger away, and he knew what I was getting at, and he leaned in to kiss me, and I met him halfway. His smell was stronger than ever, the taste matching perfectly with it. Sweetened cherry blossoms, taste and smell swirling in my head. It gave me that familiar, light-headed feeling of being distant to everything but what lay in front of me, which was him.

"You've never gotten to the point where you could resist me, have you?" Near asked, breaking our kiss to speak. He was breathless already.

"No," I said dreamily, wanting nothing more than for him to press his lips back to mine.

He chuckled, bending his head down to work on my neck now. He placed his lips on the one spot that always got me, and I arched my back so that my body pressed into him. He had learned every crevice of me over the past ten years, knew every spot that I enjoyed having touched, and what I loved most about what he did to me. I never had to learn what pleased him—he always seemed to enjoy having control over me, and never once let me play with him for a change. I supposed that my greatest pleasure was what brought him his greatest pleasure.

I didn't care one way or the other, as long as he was content and pleased me in whatever way possible during romance.

And then it came to me that this might be the last time I'd be able to be with him this way. Or be with him at all. I tried not to let my tears betray me and flow down my face, but there really isn't any way of holding them back when something hits you hard enough. It's like when you feel so upset, and you don't know why, and you can feel the tears coming, but you know you'll only be able to hold them for so long. Like when you don't want anyone to see you cry, and you get home, and know your right there on the verge of crying, and call out to see if anyone's home. Three seconds of silence mean it's safe, and you collapse where you're standing and just let them flow.

But this wasn't the case, there was someone here, and I didn't want him to stop what he was doing. He'd see me cry whether anyone wanted him to or not.

(Feeling description complimentary of Dane Cook, my personal favorite comedian)

I forced Near to bring his lips back to mine and kissed him as passionately and desperately as I could. My tears streaked down my face, and they were already starting to sting my cheeks. Near knew what I was thinking, and didn't hesitate to take off his shirt to press it against me. His warmth was one of the things that I loved most about him, besides his ability to know exactly how to please me. He repeated in his thoughts, for me to hear, that it was okay, and he loved me, and he'd always be there no matter what, and he supported me and my choices that I'd make.

All I could do was groggily reply back that I loved him, and always would love him, no matter what happened to me, and promise I'd be there, too, even in death, that I'd be there for everyone.

I wasn't sure if I'd die. If I was right, I couldn't be killed using a death not, not even my human body could be affected by it. But there were other ways to kill the human body.

Which was why I was afraid.

Why I was scared to meet Light tomorrow.

Why I truly didn't want to leave my family, knowing that most likely my children would not accept me as their mother anymore if they saw what I truly was.

Why I knew I'd be rejected by those I love more than I loved myself, more than I loved who I really was and where I was truly from.

I took off my shirt, too, wrapping my arms securely around Near's neck, pressing him as close to me as I could. I loved this man so much, I could never explain it, and God Dammit, I wanted him so I was going to have him. He was mine, and I refused to give him up. When he died, old and wrinkly, I'd still love him. I'd keep his soul with me. I wouldn't let him go to that barren wasteland that souls left to when they died. I'd keep him with me forever more, with me in the realm of Shinigami. I'd make his soul into a Shinigami, as I had the power to do. I don't even care if I couldn't, or wasn't allowed. I'd do it, anyway, and I didn't give a fuck if anyone had anything to say about it.

My sudden rise in anger was making me become a little rougher than I intended, and I found myself ripping Near's pants off. All Near could do was laugh, which confused me.

"You get so worked up and desperate," he clarified. "It's funny."

We paused to carefully take off the rest of our clothes, to make sure no more destroying of them occurred, and we lay back on the couch and continued.

Near wrapped his arm around one of my legs and lifted it so that we had maximum body contact. One of my hands was thoroughly occupied itself in Near's fluffy white hair, which I made him keep unkempt because I liked it this way. I made him keep it exactly like this constantly, which was surprisingly more difficult than it looked.

My other hand was stroking his side, in which I had to wrap my arm firmly around him to do.

I was still crying, and something was catching in my throat. It was a sob that was aching to voice itself, but I didn't want to take my lips away from him to let it out. I tensed to keep it in, but Near had to stop...he just had to at that moment...and I had been close to keeping it in, but I howled mournfully when he stopped and choked on my tears and sobs. That fact I might not be able to do this with him anymore was what was making me so upset. No matter how small of a chance it may be that I wouldn't be able to, and then my children, it was still a chance, hovering above my head.

Near hushed me and put himself inside of me, which replaced a sob with a loud, choked moan. It only made me want to cry more. To know that Near loved me as equally as much as I loved him. All the thoughts that involved him, and me, and our beautiful children. I had one chance to live this with the one man, the one human who I had fallen in love with over my endless existence as an immortal being.

He carefully and slowly pushed himself in and out, and I couldn't look at him when he did. I turned my head and sobbed into the couch cushions. After a few minutes, Near stopped and kissed my neck. "Let's stop. We should get to sleep, anyway."

"No!" I cried. "I want to keep going! This could be the last time..."

"We've gone far enough," he said gently. "And...I'd prefer if you rested."

He sat upright, and I pushed myself off of my back to put my arms around his neck to hug him. "I love you so much, Near. I want you to know...just how much I love you."

He held me back. "You'll be fine, don't worry about it. It's just some guy with a note. We kind of deducted that he couldn't kill you with it, remember?"

"Yeah, but there are other ways to kill a human."

He was silent. There was no way of getting around that.

And we didn't speak anymore that night. We put our clothes back on and held each other in our bed and went to sleep.

I woke up before everyone else that morning. Well, L didn't sleep, but my point remained. L was in his room, and would hear me leave. I didn't think he'd suspect me leaving at five A.M. and not the eight A.M. we all agreed on. They wanted to follow me, but I didn't want them getting hurt. This was for me to deal with. Literally. I was the one that was supposed to keep track of the Death Notes, so it was my responsibility to deal with Light. I'd make sure this was the last time he came back to life and plagued earth. He'd given me hell, no matter how fast this was all going. He threatened my family. He threatened ME.

I stared at Near longingly, watching him sleep deeper than I knew he meant to. The gentle rise and fall of his chest made something catch in my throat again. I wanted to protect my family. But worrying about it was all so retarded. It was one guy with a stupid note. If somehow I died, everything would eventually work out in my favor. Come to think of it, I could just kill him with MY Death Note, couldn't I?

I pulled out my Note from under Near's clothes in the topmost drawer, where we agreed to store it. I flipped through the pages of my note and found one that was empty, and pulled out the black pen I had used to erase Light's name ten years ago. Slowly, I wrote Light's name down, thinking of him in my mind very clearly.

I waited about a minute. Of course, nothing significant would happen that I could tell. Maybe I wouldn't have to go to the shrine after all? Maybe he was dead? I would go anyway, of course, to be on the safe side. It was better than somehow him amazingly being alive, and then me not going and him getting mad and killing everyone that I loved.

I took a bus to Karuchani Shrine. When I got there, finally, the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon. I stared at it, not blinking, even though it hurt my eyes. This might be the last time I see the sun as a human. It might be the last time that, when it hit my skin, it filled me with warmth. But Light was supposed to be dead, anyway, so really I didn't have anything to worry about. I was just there as a precaution.

The only thing I could really do was sit and wait. I played with the strings of my dress, which was Gothic style, as I sat on the top step of the shrine. If you've ever seen any pictures of Freya from 'Chobits', it looked almost exactly like hers. The dress had as choker collar, and was see through over most of the chest area. I only describe it because it was my favorite dress I had come across yet.

"So you showed up," a horribly familiar voice said. It made my insides cringe and burn, and made me want to vomit. Why hadn't me writing his name in the Death Note worked?

"Light," I regarded him, keeping my voice like stone.

For a moment, I thought how rapidly all of this was going. Even back then, before he died and came back to life, it had gone fairly rapidly. But real life wasn't slow like in the movies or books. It always went quickly.

"I want to end this right now," Light continued in a casual tone. "I'm not a real human anymore. I don't know if you've tried writing my name in a note, but it wouldn't work if you did."

I was intrigued by this information.

Suddenly I realized that Deridovely was nowhere to be seen. Shinigami had to follow the one that had their Death Note until that human died. "Where's your Shinigami?"

Light chuckled evilly. "What are you talking about? I don't need a Shinigami."

My eyes fell to the notebook he held nonchalantly between his arm and hip. "Yes, you do. That's Deridovely's Note. He's supposed to be with you at all times. Or did you send him on an errand?"

"As I said before, I don't need a Shinigami. This is MY Death Note." His wide, ugly grin was making me nervous.

"What are you talking about?"

"That stupid Shinigami bet with another Shinigami that he would be able to give full Shinigami powers to a human. And he was right—he COULD do it. But he had to give up his own existence to do it."

I choked on myself. "What?"

"You didn't know that?" Light inquired. "You're the Shinigami King. The Shinigami King is supposed to know everything. Or, that's what I thought."

"Well, I can't quite remember a lot of the stuff that I knew when I was a Shinigami, SMART one."

He scowled at me. "Don't screw with me. I'll change my mind about making your death quick and painless."

"I'm just surprised your mom hasn't come to wipe your ass yet, since I know you've always had trouble doing that being as retarded as you are and everything." I'd get some good insults in there before dying, IF I was going to die, that is.

"That's it! Now not only am I going to make you die a horrible and slow death, but so will your family, especially that damn Near! I'll make sure L has his share, too."

I gasped dramatically. I hated it when I was instantly reminded of something I saw in a movie that was completely clichéd. "You wouldn't dare touch them."

"Oh, but I WOULD. After I take your title as Shinigami king. Then I would rid the world of crime and NO ONE could stop me! Not you, not Near, not L—NO ONE!" He laughed manically.

"You fucking bastard!" I screamed, tackling him to the ground. I grabbed his collar and shook him. "IF YOU TOUCH ONE FUCKING HAIR ON THEIR HEADS, I SWEAR ON ME AND GOD HIMSELF THAT YOU'LL PAY FOR IT IN THE WORST WAY IMMAGINABLE!"

He kept laughing, and threw me off. I flew, and hit a pillar to the shrine entrance. I slid to the ground and slumped against the pillar. It REALLY hurt.

"You can't beat me in your human form. You'd have to kill yourself to fight me. But, of course, I'll do you the honors. But in doing so, I win and gain the title of Shinigami King. Oh, what dread," he said sarcastically.

I growled and forced myself onto my feet and ran at him. He punched me in the face, and it sent me flying back again. Blood exploded into my mouth, and I was positive I had busted a lip. Then the entire backside of my body crashed against the same concrete pillar, and rainbows flew past my eyes as the force of impact made it crumble, the heavy chunks collapsing around me.

Light laughed again, this time uncontrollably. He raised his arms to the sky and seemed to mock God with his manic laughter.

His body suddenly started to morph. His teeth seemed to grow bigger. They all turned into huge, sharp fangs. His canines were twice the size of his other teeth, and his other teeth were gargantuan, anyway. His eyes widened, too, and turned red. Even the white. Black horns grew from his head, like a devil or demon, and so did they appear all along his spine. His skin slowly turned shade until it was a dark navy, like the neat shirt he had on. And then his body swelled, ripping those neat clothes to shreds. Wings, similar to Ryuk's, exploded from his back.

I watched in horror as this transformation took place. He was turning into a Shinigami right before my eyes, and an ugly one, too. To think I ever almost thought of this monster as a friend.

"Maybe I should keep you alive long enough to see your family killed?" Light asked, his voice newly deep and gargled to match his new look. "Would you like to see that?"

He stretched his arm out, towards me, and I heard the door to the shrine open and close monotonously. Light smirked, and I was too weak and hurt to turn around and look at what it was. I had thought it was just something stupid until I saw the person walk right into Light's gargantuan hand, in some kind of trance.

Light closed his meaty fingers around Nate's small, fragile body and picked his up easily. When his feet left the ground, Nate seemed to come back to reality, and he blinked once, then twice and stared at me. His eyes widened when he registered the blood streaming down my face, and the horrified look on my face.

"Mommy!" he screamed. "What happened?! You're bleeding!"

How the hell had Nate gotten here?! He was asleep when I left the hotel, and I would have seen him coming up the steps!

"You're little son here left not long after you did. He snuck up through the woods behind the shrine and hid inside. He wanted his mommy."

Nate swiveled his head around to see the monstrous Light, who he know just realized had him immobilized about ten feet off of the ground. (I really meant it when I said Light's body swelled).

I felt the anger boil inside. I clenched my fists on the ground beside me. "Put...my baby...down...NOW."

Light laughed again. "Oh, I don't think so. Actually, I'm a little hungry. Do you think that my new form has adjusted my taste? I wonder what child tastes like to me now?"

I struggled to get to my feet. I wanted to cry. My baby was going to be eaten by a monster! Which again, was a clichéd thing that reminded me of Godzilla or something. Which pissed me off even more.

"Put my baby down NOW!"

Light's expression was no longer smug. It surprised me to see that his expression was, well, surprised. Shocked. Horrified. I'd planned to make him sorry for touching my little Nate. My Near.

Speaking of Near.

He arrived with L, Watari, Saya, and Tonks. WHY was this happening now? And what's worse, is that they all stopped in horror. I was covered with blood, and Light was a gigantic monster that they COULD see, because he was still part human. And then of course Light had Nate in his gigantic hands.

Which still wasn't the reason their faces were stricken with horror.

I was transforming, too. But not as much as Light had. My breathing quickened as pain seized me. I felt small, vampire-like fangs growing in my mouth. My hair, normally wild and unmanageable, grew even longer, to my thighs, and straightened into silky strands. It grew an even darker purple.

And there was of course wings. I knew because of the searing pain between my shoulder blades. It was as if someone put two irons to my back and let my skin cook, then shoved screw drivers into my flesh and yanked them down to tear slits into my back, allowing the accursed things to pop out. Feathers, black, rained down over me as I sat, hunched, with my back to the annihilated pillar, clawing the tiled pathway. My eyes were golden in the puddle of my blood I stared into on the cement. Besides the minor changes I mentioned before, I looked the same. Same skinny body, same pale skin.

I looked like a Gothic angel with what I was wearing.

"Put Nate down NOW."

Light took a step back, and the tiled pieces of path cracked and broke under his new weight. His deepened chuckle shook the ground and made the stone shrine shiver. "I don't think so."

He balled up his free hand into a fist and put his weight behind it, pushing it at me to crush me beneath it supported by his annoying evil laugh. And I got VERY angry. I balled up my fist to, planning to connect my fist with his. I wasn't even sure if that would work—he was about fifty times my size now. But when my fist connected with his, it was like a sonic boom.

The force created an air tsunami that caused not only Light to fly backwards, but it completely upturned and destroyed everything in front of me, like a tornado wave was rushing forward.

Nate flew out of Light's hand and, when my little storm subsided, began plummeting to the ground. He had flown upwards about fifty feet, and was falling. He didn't even scream—he was to stunned to realized he was going splat on the ground like a ripe tomato. But on instinct I rushed forward and spread my wings and let a small draft lift me off of the ground, my arms outstretched. I shot past Light and caught Nate in my arms easily and gently, and then did a swift uppercut into the air and beat my wings roughly to hover in one place, swirling around to face Light and the others below.

The beat of my black unkempt wings felt great.

"Mommy?" Nate said, looking up at me. He ran his fingers over my face, and I felt them brush over the blood that had come from my wounds that were now healed. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. "Yes, baby."

"You look a lot different."

I opened my eyes, looking into his gently. "I know."

He touched my fangs. "You're a pretty monster now."

I laughed. "How can a monster be pretty?"

"Because my mommy will always be pretty no matter what."

I couldn't help but smile down at him. He was so sweet...I know you're not supposed to play favorites, but Nate had the girls beat by a long shot.

"You'll pay for that!" Light's voice brought me back to reality. He pushed himself onto his feet unsteadily, hunching himself over from his extra weight. I scowled down at him and flew down to Near quickly, handing Nate to him.

"You look sexy," Near said as I turned to go back to Light.

I didn't turn back around. "Let's hope you'll love me in the morning."

"I will," he said, not hesitating one bit. "Don't worry."

And from there it went downhill.

I glared at Light, and he glared at me, his red eyes penetrating into me. It felt so creepy to have that feeling, but I didn't look away.

And I flew at him as fast as I could, and punched him in the mouth. He stumbled back again, not expecting to be hit, but didn't fall down. He caught himself on some extra-thick trees and steadied himself. He used them to gain extra force in a run, using them like a sling shot. I gasped and shot upwards, my feet barely grazing his scalp.

Light swirled around and, much quicker than I thought he was, flew into the air and caught me between his teeth. The fangs crushed my abdomen, and I felt blood rising in my throat. I cried out in agony, throwing my head back. Then I felt a warmness—not my blood, but something else—rising in my throat. I felt the need to lift my head and look at Light, so I did. And flames shot out of my mouth.

They were huge flames that completely engulfed Light's face. He unclenched his teeth and I slid out and onto the ground, making a large indent for my body when I impacted. I limply put my fingers onto where he had bitten me, and I felt warm blood ooze over my fingers and onto the ground. I couldn't feel anything, for some reason, and I really couldn't see anything. The sky above me, supposedly clear and perfect sky blue, was not there. Then I saw Near's face over me, crying. He looked just like he did when I first met him, so long ago.

"Mommy?! Are you okay?!"

He was shaking me, but I couldn't feel that, either. The only feeling I had was in my finger tips, which I used to brush over my Near's face that I saw. "Near..." I managed to say, followed by my choking on blood. I coughed, and it flowed like a river out of my mouth.

"Mommy, it's me, Nate!"

I heard L's voice. "Her innards are..."

And a choked voice. It was the Near I knew presently. Two Nears? No, my baby...

When you're near death, I suppose you can get confused really easy...

"I love you all," I said holding up my hand for them to grab. They all did. Nate, Near, L, Saya, Tonks, even Watari did. They were all crying. Even invincible L had tears leaking out of him.

And in their grip I was aware that I was shaking badly. I couldn't speak anymore but in a whisper—the words wouldn't come easily-- but I managed to mouth Near's name, and he came closer. "I love you," I gurgled out. "And Nate..."

Near nodded. I'm not even sure if he knew what all else I was going to say.

And like I said—in reality, it happens all so fast. I hadn't expected it to happen that fast, but that's how it is. It's what happened. The tugging I felt behind my naval—which I'm sure wasn't even there anymore, as L had said about my innards being strewn everywhere—was pulling me away from my body. And there was a light, too. I knew where it led—and I didn't want to go into it...I still had to beat Light. Light was going to kill them all. But I couldn't do anything on the ground, practically severed in half.

And so I let myself be gently tugged into the Light.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Ryuk said with a chuckle. Whoa, Deja vu.

I blinked, realizing I was staring at my Death Note, my hand hovering over Light's name, the eraser poised to do its job.

"If you erase his name with that eraser, he'll come back to life."

I kept staring at the notebook, frozen in the silence.

"Hellooo? Are you there?" He waved a hand in front of my face.

"Yeah, I know," I said in a whisper.

"Then why are you going to do that?"

Near suddenly came into my room. The ten year old Near. Not my child that I gave birth to, Nate, but Near. And my room at the headquarters. The headquarters where I first met L, and Near, and the rest of the investigation squad. "I'm sorry, do you want to be alone?" he asked.

"No," I said quietly, answering both Near and Ryuk's question simultaneously.

I shoved the pen into the spiral spine of my Death Note and tossed it onto my bed, walking over to Near and kissing him. "I love you Near."

"I love you, too," he said aloud for the first time to come.

Thank god I was smart enough to choose time traveling as one of my powers when I put myself into this human body. I'd be dead without it.

I was still the Blood Orchid: the World's Number One Variable.


End file.
